Picture this you are at home on a Saturday night bored, you are not in a relationship right now but you want some company. What do you do? Do you spend quality time with yourself? No for a guy you probably send out a text to multiple girls and see who answers the call. Women you usually have that one guy in your back pocket that you can always call and he is always there. I am not even talking about just sex. It could be just to talk. There are always those people that you seem to use or run back to when you have nothing else to fall back on.
I can paint this huge picture of why we do this but I want to hear for you. Women why do you keep this man in your pocket? Men why do you always keep women on the bench? For those that want to start a new relationship do you know it will be hard for you to do that when you still have dealings with others?
Remember to Keep it GC,
Counselor Dave
Great question. I dont know why people do this, especially when they know its not healthy for either party involved. You can’t look forward to the future if u are always looking backwards at the past. In the same sense, I don’t think it’s possible for ex lovers to remain “friends” it’s another way of holding on to the past that will block your future blessings.
I think that ex lovers can remain friends. I think it all just depends on the person and how they react to situations. I have exes that are exes for a reason and I do not want to go back to those headaches. Some people are better as just friends. That is it. I think that is when you get a little older because you do not want to waste your time dealing with that situation.
Simply put, I do it for companionship. I am not in a relationship and I don’t see myself settling down anytime soon although I often find myself missing that adult interaction so I call my “friend”! It works for me so far…
I have a bench personally when I am not in a relationship. You do not want to be bothered by the same chick all the time that is the reason that I am single, so when the one that probably gets the most time is getting on my nerves then I put in a sub from on the bench. When I am in a relationship I just let the bench fade away. Then if the relationship does not work then I get me another starting 5. It is a terrible cycle that I am hoping the right girl comes along and ends this crap.
Bench Players…Lol, that is a hilarious term. I never thought of that term. But I guess it fits. People like something fresh…but they don’t want it to be unfamiliar. Kind of like that new suit that you’ve only worn once in three years. It’s an excellent suit and you wear suits all the time to work, special events, etc. But you only wear this one out ever once in a while. Not for a special but just because….after all the “suit” is the occasion.
I think the answer to this question really comes down to a person’s level of maturity. When you understand and recognize the value of your time and who you are as a person, you won’t spend much of it entertaining people and situations that aren’t going to make you better. I believe men and women have moments when they simply want companionship, but don’t necessarily want to call someone they know will always come because that’s a temporary solution to a temporary feeling. As an individual, you have to be comfortable enough in your own skin to know when it’s best to enjoy time alone or with other family/friends instead of chasing after a person who isn’t meant for your life. As for exes–no, you can’t expect to keep those individuals around while you’re trying to build a new relationship. You can’t move forward if you’re constantly looking back. Men and women have to be strong enough to know when to let go and mature enough to be up front with their intentions. As long as everyone continues to be inconspicuous about what it is they’re seeking in the dating world, the more men we’ll find in back pockets and women warming benches (those that hang around to tolerate it anyway).
I think that people do it because they ultimately do not want to be alone. Some people can not be alone so when the star is acting up they go to the next best thing that they can find and that is the person in the pocket or on of the bench players. The people on the other side of this really enjoy it as well because they usually have someone else and they just enjoy the chance to get away from there number one as well. This thing is a big cycle. This is why you have all these love triangles. People messing with the same people and never know it. It is said.
This is so green…I tell my women how it is. If we just friends with benifits, she already knows this. If she something more, she knows this too. If she a main line, she knows if she acts up, its a possibility she can be replaced. Just lay it all up front, no need to hide and play games. If you quality the females will still come. Now the nose up in the air, I’m bossy chicks may have a issue with it…but who cares, I don’t want them anyways. Plus they will eventuall get the drift who the man is anyways. Real players don’t just play the game, they own it.
I’m the choose. These fools dont know what’s good for them. I go my own money, got my own car and my own house. I don’t need no man for $h12. I’m good. I know my worth, and I don’t play the bench!
I use to be a player back in the day then……let’s just say I’m glad it was not anything serious. Funny this post seems to be coming from a guys perspective. I think women do it more than guys. Alot of women got the guy that is just a friend…yeah just a friend till you leave town for the weekend and then he feed her grapes at your pad! you ladies ain’t slick! I
I think the key is being honest with them and yourself! If you have a “bench” or an “old faithful” just be honest in knowing that’s what it is… the problem is, typically people don’t know how to separate the real from the fake or “knowing their role” and accepting of their role. So why do we do this, simply put it’s for control and companionship. You wouldn’t do it if you didn’t want someone there with you, be it sexually or otherwise; and you have more than one so you can control what you want, when you want it, and who you want it from.
I think when you’re single and have no commitment to anyone it’s cool to have a bench and call on old faithful… but when you have that bench on stand-by with a relationship you’ll never allow it to grow and flourish because you’re stuck on keeping a bench… As for old faithful, if she knows what she is/he knows what he is, you can come and go as you please when the opportunity presents itself… even years later if you both find yourselves single at the same time!