As a child I had mix emotions about our relationship. I loved you so much. I think I wanted to be around you more than I wanted to be around my mother. I just wanted to be in your presence. I wanted you to spend time with me. I know you loved and still love me but your actions were never consistent for me. You would make promises that you did not keep and I could never depend on you to be there for me. The crazy thing about it, was that you were in my life. I saw you all the time. I just was not a priority. I do not know if it was because you got married young, lost your mother and father at an early age or what, but the fact of the matter was you did not know or want to be a parent at the time. You were consistently spending time with your friends instead of your family. You put everyone over us. You were a better father figure for your brothers and sister than you ever were to me. They were grown. I needed you in my life; we needed you in our life. I just could not understand. If I had a child I would want to be in their life all the time. My life would forever be different. I have a little me that I need to guide and teach how to be a successful contributor to society one day.
Over and over you dropped the ball. Telling me you were going to pick me up and take me to my games. No call, No show! I wondered if it was me or if it was something that I done. No matter how wrong you did us my mother never had a bad word to say about you. When I had bad words for you I think I called you everything but a child of God. I was a lost little boy wanting and needing his father to say I love you son, I got you back son.
This has affected me in my life in so many different ways. Now that I am a man and our relationship is better, there is still that thing that inside of me that will not just let us get as close as we probably both would like. I think all I ever wanted was an apology or an acknowledgement that you know you did me wrong. I know that will probably never happen and I am at peace with that.
God does not make mistakes and he put the best person in my life to be my father because he knew what I needed to fuel my passion in life. Just to let you know you gave it to me without giving it to me. All my life I wanted to be everything that you weren’t. It drove me to be a better man. I strive not to have the same bad habits you had.
The point I am at in my life. I do not need you which stopped our relationship from growing. I tell you today, I forgive you and I am not going to hold on to the past. So I will let God take our relationship where ever it is suppose to be in the future. We are in a better place but it could be better. I want to think about you and just pick up the phone and call you. I will start with baby steps.
9 thoughts on “Letter to My Dad”
This letter is on point. I had anger towardsy pops when I was younger. As you mature you quickly understand that things happen for a reason. I know that I will be an amazing father due to things I didn’t have growing up
I like most people can really relate to this letter. I think most of us would be in a better place if our parents would just say sorry. I know I did you wrong. It is just something in them that will not let them do it. Man I have been following this site for a few months and I will tell you man. Yall are doing great things with this site. I see great things in the future to come. I can not speak for everyone else that reads the writings here but you guys seem to just keep getting better. When I think this site could get predictable you throw a curve ball. Please stay positive and continue to touch on things others are not will to to touch on. If you do not have anyone else that is reading this site you can best believe I will. Thank you!
WOW! You really put yourself out there with this one. I think for the first time I am lost for words. We can know people for years and never really know what is going on in there life. We see the person that they are and there status and wish we were on that level but we never know what is the driving force behind there drive and goals.
I have to say like Hot Boy since I at least know one of the writers personally I will say I admire what you are doing. You will always have my support. You told me that the site was going to start getting deeper and hitting on more than just relationships. I told you to stay there because it is your bread and butter and you told me that there is more to life than romantic relationships. You have family, friends, self doubt, confusion, death……. The thing is and what makes me appreciate him even more is that he honestly don’t care if a lot of people read it. If one person reads it and gets something out of it he is very happy. He says writing is his therapy. Counselor Dave will talk to anyone and help anyone. I am glad that I know you.
Great post. I’m sure many of your readers can relate to those emotions. I salute you for having the courage to deal with those feelings. Whether male or female daddy is always the superhero at home, regardless of how much of a father they actually are. Moms are usually the ones at home doing the “dirty work” keeping the kids straight and setting the rules. Daddy comes through and the kids gets super excited and do everything daddy says cause they’re just so happy he’s around, even if its short lived. Then he’s gone for a week, month years etc and it becomes the routine. When we get to certain age we look back at mom and realize she was the real super hero. The new found admiration for mom turns to resentment towards dad.Sad but very familiar cycle that fortunately we have the ability to break. Fellas lets step up and share in the “dirty work” involved in raising our kids!
I really like what you have written. I know this had to come from a place deep down in you to put this on paper. I have the same situation with my dad. I want to forgive him but it is just so hard I have been burnt so many times. I will pray that God continue to bless you with the words to put on paper.
Parent have more of a role in our life than we give credit too. I think parents do not even understand the role that they play in our life. It is very sad because we are really hitting an age where parents just don’t care anymore at all because we have kids raising kids. People just want to to continue to live there life. You have responisbilities and all the bs that you were doing should no longer be a factor.
I think you’re a brave soul to put something so personal on this blog! I find it very admirable, and feel like I know you more now (and I’ve known you for a LONG time). I think it’s unfortunate, how many people will be able to relate to your story within their lives. Even I can relate on a very deep level, but my parent was my mother. It’s not an easy path, but as you said God makes no mistakes… He only allows us the struggles that He knows we can handle. I often say what did I do to deserve to NOT have the mother other girls have, better yet to have an addict as a mother… but what did I do then to deserve to be the woman I am today?! I am not the statistic I was categorized as when I was a child (addict, mother of several kids, destitute or worse), I have not allowed the things I was not afforded as a youngster stop me from running as fast as I could to my goals, I have not allowed anything to be an excuse for “who I am”… So truth be told, an unfortunate situation could be used as a motivator or, if you let it, a deterrent. Your strength bleeds through when you use it as your motivation… That’s what God saw fit for us to do! God Bless you and your strength that will prove itself even more so from here… This blog is growing to be something AMAZING, which I knew it would! The positivity and relate-ability to the issues is what will help it manifest into something you can’t even imagine, I think God’s got control!
Rarely do I ever want to read the comments let along make a reply to what people say on this blog. I feel like I said what I wanted to say in the writing itself. I want you to know that since I have started writing on this platform I have seen a maturity in myself that I never seen. If I can help one person in my writings just one then I am successful and to be honest I help myself see more everytime I write these things. This is my therapy to myself before you even read my writings. I want you to pray for me as I continue this journey that God leads my heart. People tell me what to write about or what they want me to write about all the time. Honestly I probably have written about it but God has to lead me to publish it. I actually wrote this post 3 weeks ago and went back and forth about posting it. Well you guys make me feel good about posting it. So I appreciate all the kind words and I appreciate the support. I will continue to do my best and help this site grow from the ground up. This is my baby and I love doing this.
I lost my father at 22 (he was a older father 88). He was a great dad, very supportive and always there for me, my mother and siblings. Lol. He never acted his age. I can not imagine the absence you must have felt in your life. Regardless be blessed with the present and future times that you will have with your father.