Category Archives: All About Men

To All The Heartbroken Men Who Act Tough On The Outside: Don’t Give Up Hope

ADZI’m just going to go ahead and call out all you men out there. Yes, even you there, stud muffin, with your sweat-drenched, muscle-pumping, 5 o’clock shadow self. You, much like women, are either currently heartbroken or have been heartbroken by some audacious woman whom you thought was “the one.”

You can act tough, but I know that deep down, you are as soft as a teddy bear. Chances are, you have gone through the coulda, shoulda, woulda list. Sadly, you’ve been left with unanswered and empty questions.

Meanwhile, you are wondering how in the eff you’re going to get over this not-so-clever broad and if you’ll ever be able to move on.

So, in an attempt to help, here is an open letter to all those tough-on-the-outside, but soft-souled men: You’re going to be alright.


Dear Handsome,

I realize that at this current moment in time, you are hurting. You are examining every inch of your life and asking yourself how this happened and why.

While I don’t have the answers for you, and I probably never will, I can tell you that someone out there is waiting to love you with all her heart. She is wondering what it would be like to love someone as special as you, and to know what it feels like to be with someone she truly connects with.

I know you don’t see it now, and it will take some time, but this is for the better. It’s a growing point in your life; some things aren’t meant to last forever and they fall apart so better things can fall together.

I can tell you that whoever broke your heart didn’t realize how good she had it. Truth be told, she didn’t deserve to have you in the first place.

This person has conditioned you to work on yourself, and to help you become an even better man than you already are. You will be someone else’s dream come true. There’s someone in this world who looks at you and her heart beams. She smiles without even knowing it.

You are always on her mind, and you’re the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up. She ask herself how she went this long without knowing someone as awesome as you. That’s something to look forward to during this process.

When you’ve been damaged, the last thing on your mind is someone new. You grasp onto old memories, and just keeping asking, why? What did you do so wrong? Were you not enough? Did you not give enough attention? Did you not love her hard enough? Is there something wrong with you?

I only ask two simple things of you: Stop asking why and please don’t blame yourself. Insecurities can truly ruin any relationship, and nine times out of 10, it has nothing to do with you.

It hurts as if your heart has been stabbed with a million burning knives. You’re probably thinking you can’t move on from this, but I am here to tell you that you can and you will. Whether it’s centerstage or behind the curtain, someone cares and will be there for whatever you need.

You probably barely know or might not even know the person who is smiling at the thought of you right now.

When the timing is right, and the stars align in the night sky, it will all work out. Healing is a process, and it takes however long your heart needs.

Wake up each day thinking, “I can and will get through this,” and I promise that you will. Keep your beautiful face held high, smile and know that your future is waiting for you.

Take each day in stride, and whatever you do, please don’t shut down. You will close yourself off to a love that is waiting for you. Whether you see it or not, you are an incredible individual with so much potential to make someone happier than she ever imagined possible.

We have all been broken before, and it’s up to us to rebuild and move forward. It’s not the end; just think of how much better your next relationship will be. Forgive her, forgive yourself, make new friends, build bonds with new people and remember to smile.

To the woman who destroyed your amazing heart, thank you. Thank you for letting this incredible man go, and giving someone else the opportunity to love and cherish him the way he deserves. Thank you for quitting and allowing someone new to heal and mend his heart.

True love doesn’t quit, and you closed the door. No judgment, just a huge thank you. You are helping someone else’s future of pure bliss and happiness come to fruition.

Keep your head up, handsome. She is out there and waiting patiently for when the time is right.

Sincerely, Your Friend 

Originally appeared at Elite Daily

 

15 Honest Questions the Person You Marry Should Be Able To Answer

loveMarriage really is a beautiful thing. I used to think it was a bit pointless, just a piece of paper that allows you an extra tax cut. However, the more I thought about it, the more I learned to appreciate what marriage could be.

Marriage gets a bad rap because most people are really bad at it. It’s not marriage’s fault. It’s the couples’ fault for being neither mature enough nor smart enough to manage.

I used to believe people couldn’t possibly promise to love someone else in 10, 20 years when neither their partners nor they will be the same people they are now. But that’s the point. We know that the future is filled with uncertainty.

Regardless, we still want that promise because it gives us courage to give ourselves to another without reservations.

You may not be able to keep that promise, but you can keep the promise to do your best to be an amazing life partner. That’s all anyone can really ask for. If you’re thinking about tying the knot then be sure that your future life partner to-be can honestly answer these questions to your liking:

1. Why do you love me?

People seem to feel this is a question that doesn’t especially need answering. Most will say we love others simply because we love them — a horrible answer. All people need to know exactly why it is that they love the people they love.

Loving someone is a very selfish act, and it’s okay. You love the person you love for what that person does for you and how he or she makes you feel.

We may all have slightly different answers as to why we love someone, but if we aren’t able to exactly define the parameters of our love, then we’re likely to struggle later on once the initial intensity dies down. If your partner can’t answer why he or she loves you now, then imagine the inevitable uncertainty down the road.


2. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?

“Because I love you” is not a good answer. Life is a journey — one that is best not traveled entirely alone. However, not everyone has the same destination in mind. Wanting to take different pit stops along the route is one thing. Wanting different things out of life is another entirely.

Your partner should be able to tell you what life experiences he or she hopes to share with you. It’s these little goals you set for yourselves that make your life special.


3. Will you do your best to keep the romance alive?

Keeping the romance alive is not an easy task. Yes, it’s all mental, but keeping interest for such a long time is difficult. It takes a lot of work and creativity. It takes the other person regularly trying to please and impress you, which in itself becomes increasingly difficult with each new year.

Romantic love cannot survive on its own; both of you are going to have to maintain it constantly. Is your partner willing to keep the romance as one of his or her main priorities?


4. Will you grow with me, and not away from me?

We may not know exactly where our lives will take us and what we will learn — who we will become — along the way, but we can make a conscious effort to grow closer together and not apart.

Most people grow apart over the years because they feel like they’ve accomplished everything in their relationships that needs accomplishing.

This is one main reason marriages end up being so horrible — people think that there is no greater peak to climb than the one their relationship is already resting on. Marriage shouldn’t be the end, it should be the beginning.


5. Will you stick through the rough times?

The good times are a piece of cake. The difficult times, however, will destroy your relationship if you allow them to. There comes a point in every relationship when you have to make a decision. It’s a decision that, if made, is only made once.  You will reach a point where you will either decide you are going to be there for this person for the rest of his or her life, or not.

If you decide you’re going to stick with this person then you can’t allow any tragedy or outside force to shake that decision. This is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives — or, as it often turns out, fail to make decisively. Has your lover made the decision? Have you?


6. Are you willing to lose some battles in order to keep the peace?

The key to a successful marriage is taming your ego. No matter how competitive we are, sometimes you just need to pick your battles. Sometimes the arguments and the stress just aren’t worth it.

What you need to understand is that 99 percent of arguments aren’t arguments over fact, but rather over opinion. An opinion is neither right nor wrong. Sometimes you just have to let things be.


7. Can you promise to put us ahead of everything else?

Life has a lot to offer. And if you’re anything like me, you have a very large appetite. We want everything life has to offer, and then some. The problem is we don’t have enough time to have it all; our lives are too short. We can only pick a few things we consider important and do our best to flourish in those areas.

The beauty of marriage is that it can be used as a base to build the rest of your life on. Your partner should be just that: your partner. Your relationship is the most important thing in your life because it’s what makes the rest of your life possible.


8. Will you be a great parent?

Again, how could anyone know he or she will be a great parent? Easy. You just decide you’re going to be. That’s it. No tricks. No gimmicks. Just a decision and then action.

Some things don’t need too much thinking involved. You’re going to be great because you decided you will be. Will your lover do the same and be a great role model for your children?


9. Will you be sure to remind me how much you love me regularly?

People not only want, but need to hear it. We need to be reminded you love us because we know that love doesn’t always last forever. We want to hear the words and then have that reassurement reinforced with actions showing how much you love us.

It really is enough just to love us, but understand you need to love us the way we need to be loved — just like we need to love you the way you need to be loved in order for you to be happy.


10. Can you promise to do all you can to keep that spark alive?

Sparks don’t spark on their own. Think about how a lighter works. You have a spark that lights the fuel, which creates a flame. But how does that spark, spark? You have to create a force that will result in the energy creating a spark.

Just the same, you can’t expect sparks to keep flying if you’re not trying. If you want to have a happy and healthy marriage, then you need to find someone willing to devote the necessary energy.


11. Will you support me if I can’t support myself?

Not just financially, but mentally. Maybe even physically if necessary. No one knows what life holds. The unexpected happens, often leaving us weak, hurt or even permanently damaged. Will your partner carry you when you can’t walk?

Will your partner support you when you’re weak at the knees? Will your partner carry the family you’ve created until you regain your strength? Is your partner capable of mustering the strength to fight battles for the both of you?


12. Will you promise to continue to pursue your personal goals and dreams?

Marriage is not entirely the end of the person you were and the start of a new you. Sure, being in a serious relationship does require a person to change in many ways.

Yet, there’s a part of us we can never, under any circumstance, let go of. The dreams, wants and hopes we have — our personal goals — must stay alive.

When we lose them, we lose ourselves and inevitably lose the person we love. Marriage isn’t just an “us.” It’s also a you and him/her. You have to juggle being the person you have always been with being a part of a larger whole. It’s not easy. But it is necessary.


13. Will you not allow yourself to let go?

Will your partner take care of him or herself by eating healthy and exercising? Will your partner get regular checkups and take vitamins? This may sound silly, but I’ve seen what letting yourself go can do to a marriage.

Moreover, I’ve seen how not maintaining your health can make the lives of those closest to you incredibly difficult.

Yes, your family should take care of you when you need to be taken care of — but it’s your responsibility first and foremost to take care of yourself. No people should become a burden to those they love.


14. If I’m the first to go, will you be there with me until the end?

Will your partner hold your hand when you’re too weak to hold it back? Will your partner kiss your forehead and tell you he or she loves you, that you made life worth living? That, because of you, life made sense? Will your partner be there for your last breath, when you find yourself pressed betwixt fear and content?

No one should leave this world alone. It’s said that we leave it the way we come into it, but even when we come into it, there’s someone there to hold us. I understand most people don’t like to think about death, but seeing as it’s an inevitability, it’s better to plan ahead.


15. Can you promise me that if my time is cut short, you’ll continue to live on for the both of us?

You love this person. You want him or her to be happy regardless of whether he or she is with you or without you. If death collects you ahead of schedule, you’ll want to know during those last few seconds that the person you love will continue to live life to the fullest.

That your partner will continue to do great things, continue to be happy, and — if you have children — continue to love your children and guide them through life.

The death of a loved one can ruin you. It can break you in ways that make full-recovery impossible. Can your partner promise you to find the strength and courage to press forward?

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I’d want for the woman I love is for my departure to be her downfall. If my being in her life or leaving her life will in anyway destroy hers, then I clearly made a mistake by allowing myself into her life.

Looking for a relationship? The Good Men Project promises to have a really good one with your inbox.  Sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter here.

This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.

by Paul Hudson

– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/kt-15-honest-questions-the-person-you-marry-should-be-able-to-answer/#sthash.ltAcYP8o.dpuf

Five Ways to be A Gentleman in a Wold Full of Boys

I keep hearing people proclaim the death of the gentleman. Everywhere I turn, I see overgrown boys speak to women in abominable ways. I see them playing manipulative games and emotionally punishing women like a pack of high school children.

I’ve seen these overgrown boys high-five their friends after spending a night with a woman, and then recount all the things she thought she shared with him and him alone.

I call them “overgrown boys” because they are not men; being a man is more than just mimicking the external features of manhood. Being a man means embodying the behaviors of one, of gracefully owning the calculating logic and flowing emotion that lives within us all.

In short, being a man is living in harmony with what you think and how you feel.

I will not delve into the superficial characteristics of a gentleman (such as holding doors and paying for dates), as the subject has been discussed at length. My interest is in the mindset of a modern gentleman: the class of Clooney; the fun-loving, go-getter attitude of a Branson; the seductive energy of Depp.

The Modern Gentleman is driven.

This is the single greatest flaw I see with men of my generation. When did it become cool to be in your mid-20s and have no vision?

Sure, you post motivational quotes on Facebook, along with pictures of what you consider to be the good life, but why are you spending your Friday and Saturday nights piss drunk or hungover?

What’s with the 4 am McDonalds runs? How productive are you after a night out?

Listen, it’s fine to let loose sometimes, but if this is your weekly routine, you need to reevaluate where you’re going. A man of passion is a man who will constantly strive to better the lives of the people he loves. Turn off “Game of Thrones” and get cracking.

The Modern Gentleman is composed.

I can’t believe the lack of maturity I’m seeing these days. From bragging about your sexual conquests to getting into arguments, to verbally lowering people around you to emotional outbursts at the wrong times. What the hell, man?

A gentleman is absolutely discreet, always composed and always in control. He does not let his emotions get the best of him.

Remember, it’s all about balance. Everyone has good days; everyone has bad days. What distinguishes you is your character on such days. When challenged, our lowest nature will drag us into the chaos with clenched fists, but ultimately, you lose.

You lose every time you react to someone who taunts you. You lose every time you brag to your friends for validation. You lose every time you argue with people you care about.

How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”
How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

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How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

By Patrick Armen

Fathers Incorporated Announces Its 10th Anniversary Gala: Celebrating 10 Years Of Building Better Fathers

Judge Greg Mathis Will Serve As Keynote Speaker; Tracy Martin (Father Of Trayvon) Among Awardees

– Judge Greg Mathis, presiding jurist of the nationally syndicated, reality-based court show “Judge Mathis,” will serve as the Keynote Speaker at Fathers Incorporated’s 10th Annual Fundraising Gala to be held on November 18, 2014, at the Alhambra Ballroom, Harlem, New York, 6:30 p.m.– 9:30 p.m. For more information, tickets and sponsorship please visit www.fathersincgala.com –

kenneth_braswell_fathers_inc

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kenneth Braswell; Executive Director, Fathers Incorporated

New York, NY — On Tuesday, November 18th many of the most committed and influential agents of change across the country will come together to join Fathers Incorporated in celebrating a decade of working to build better fathers by strengthening communities and family infrastructure. Terrie Williams, President of the Terrie Williams Agency and author of Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting, will serve as the Mistress of Ceremonies for the evening’s festivities.

“This year’s gala represents a major milestone for us at Fathers Incorporated. We have a significant story to tell about our humble beginnings from a small nonprofit founded in Albany, NY to a seasoned national fatherhood organization that serves as a leader in the promotion of Responsible Fatherhood and Mentoring in addition to the management of President Obama’s National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse. We have grown and produced impacts by using innovative social marketing and multi-media platforms, developing research-based products for the field, engaging in intensive outreach, and connecting key stakeholders–all serving to combat father absence in society and help support fathers in their role as parents,” says Braswell.

According to Shawn Dove, Manager of the Open Society Foundations’ Campaign for Black Male Achievement, “We are fortunate to have Fathers Incorporated as our friend and partner. Fathers Incorporated believes that the presence or absence of one’s father shapes the way that children view the world and develop. It believes in the family, the importance of fathers for children to thrive, and the importance of supporting men in families to continue to create positive changes in our communities. CBMA applauds the work of Fathers Incorporated and its contributions to the field of fatherhood. November 18th will be a special opportunity to separate its accomplishments and help increase support for the mission of Fathers Incorporated.”

In addition to celebrating Fathers Incorporated’s anniversary and accomplishments, a portion of the Gala will be devoted to honoring the partners who have worked with the organization over this past year to make a difference in the lives of fathers and families. 2014 Fathers Incorporated Honorees:

* Tracy Martin – The father of Trayvon Martin, who has encouraged a nation of Black fathers by example to be available for our children in the best and worst of life’s situations.

* Purple R.E.I.G.N. – Under the leadership of Founder and DV survivor Asia D. Smith, this Domestic Violence agency has addressed the tragic effects of DV for women, men, and children.

* Black Star Project – Founder and Executive Director, Phillip Jackson engages over 700 cities and thousands of schools across the globe to celebrate the Million Father March–encouraging fathers to engage in educational childhood development.

* Judge Greg Mathis – Judge Mathis is a national figure known for his advocacy campaigns for equal justice. His inspirational life story of a street youth who rose from jail to Judge has provided hope to millions who watch him on the award-winning television court show “Judge Mathis” each day.

* Cbabi Bayoc – Cbabi (stands for “Creative Black Artist Battling Ignorance”) Bayoc is an artist dedicated to using his craft to promote positive images of fatherhood, including his creation of 365 Days with Dad–paintings depicting inspirational portraits of Black fathers and their children.

* Dove Men+Care – Since the launch of the brand in 2010, Dove Men+Care has been committed to celebrating and authentically portraying and honoring fathers, coaches, and male mentors.

The mission of Fathers Incorporated is to encourage the positive involvement of father’s in the lives of children. If you agree, please join them to make a difference! Tickets and Gala Journal Ads are on sale now (early bird rates end 10/22).

The organization says, “With your support, we can continue to make a significant contribution to the work of Responsible Fatherhood and Mentoring!”

To learn more about Fathers Incorporated, purchase tickets, or make a donation, please visit www.fathersincgala.com.

PRESS CONTACT:
Kenneth Braswell
770-804-9800
fathersincorporated@gmail.com

Father’s Day

20140113-145636.jpgHere comes Father’s day. The day intended to acknowledge fathers and father like figures in a child’s life. Not the day to acknowledge poor decision making by in your love life. Now, some women have been dealt a bad hand of cards. They have helped in the selection process of dating/sleeping with and or marrying someone who didn’t do his part in raising a child he helped create. Some women have the unfortunate story of having the father of their child absent because he is either dead; she doesn’t know who he is or he is incarcerated. I will even extend this to rape victims as well; those things are horrific. Let’s be perfectly clear I am not saying bad things don’t happen to good people but you mean to tell me the entire time your child was growing up there was absolutely no man around that could have provided some form of fatherly advice, counsel or love? Did you miss out on something great for you and your child(ren) because you let society tell you that you can do it all? Are you a man who knows a single mother and you failed to extend that option to her with no strings attached? Guess who is adding to the problem of women celebrating Father’s day..

Here is a newsflash, you can’t do it all. I don’t care who lied to you and told you that your selfish behind deserves two holidays they lied. The most powerful person in a child’s life is that same sex parent and God forbid you tell your daughter that she can do everything on her own, she doesn’t need a man. God did not extract a rib from Adam to create a woman in order for her to do it alone. Don’t let your son grow up thinking that he will make a great man without having someone in his life to emulate. You are going to end up with a grown boy who will cause hell in his relationships because he’s been married to his mother first and he has absolutely no direction into manhood because you were being selfish.

There are many cases for each scenario and I’m sure someone will argue with me. Okay let’s just settle it right now; it’s still wrong. Independent women learn to make the most of what she has while building bigger and better. So why not utilize the men in your life (pastor, homeboy, man-bestie, bro, bruh, step dad, real dad etc) and allow them to provide your sons with tools to succeed and that will give your daughter with an example of what she is looking for when her time comes…or do you want her to be lonely and selfish like you? After all, are you really fraternizing with people who lack the moral compass to guide a young mind? This would again bring me to my point of you being reckless and providing a poor example to your children. Men don’t get many holidays. No one really comes to the wedding to see the groom and typically when a baby is born, they automatically assume the man is good. Let these men have this one day, geez.

Country Girl.

Men by Maya Angelou

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When I was young, I used to
Watch behind the curtains
As men walked up and down the street. Wino men, old men.
Young men sharp as mustard.
See them. Men are always
Going somewhere.
They knew I was there. Fifteen
Years old and starving for them.
Under my window, they would pauses,
Their shoulders high like the
Breasts of a young girl,
Jacket tails slapping over
Those behinds,
Men.

One day they hold you in the
Palms of their hands, gentle, as if you
Were the last raw egg in the world. Then
They tighten up. Just a little. The
First squeeze is nice. A quick hug.
Soft into your defenselessness. A little
More. The hurt begins. Wrench out a
Smile that slides around the fear. When the
Air disappears,
Your mind pops, exploding fiercely, briefly,
Like the head of a kitchen match. Shattered.
It is your juice
That runs down their legs. Staining their shoes.
When the earth rights itself again,
And taste tries to return to the tongue,
Your body has slammed shut. Forever.
No keys exist.

Then the window draws full upon
Your mind. There, just beyond
The sway of curtains, men walk.
Knowing something.
Going someplace.
But this time, I will simply
Stand and watch.

Maybe.

Maya Angelou

Surveys Suggest Men Are Just As Insecure About Their Bodies As Women

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May 16, 2014 by the Editors
A new study confirms what we know: That more men than the media typically portrays admit to being anxious and unconfident about their body image.

New Look have recently commissioned a One Poll survey of 2,000 British male adults. It found that more men admit to being anxious and unconfident about their body image than the press or online resources would suggest. Google records thousands of results for “women’s body confidence” online in contrast to only 8 results for “men’s body confidence” [include speech marks]. This fact probably resonates with a similar study commissioned by Central YMCA and the Succeed Foundation that found men fear being judged by male friends for exhibiting too much concern about their image resulting to stress over food intake and diet in secret.

“Over the past 30 years, the ideal male physique has gained muscle and lost body fat.”

With societies’ hand on the pulse of popularity, we’re often left to wonder — why don’t men ever talk about body image issues? Would they be deemed sensitive or weak if they discussed the dissatisfaction of their appearance? Would they not be looked at as protectors and/or leaders if they honestly admitted that they have physical insecurities? Has pop culture demoralized morality and influenced masculinity to the point that men have disassociated themselves with the authenticity of vulnerability?

Messages in the media about feeling and looking powerful have a huge influence on boys. Over the past 30 years, the ideal male physique has gained muscle and lost body fat. Now, online forums and blogs make it easy to seek and share information about diet and fitness that’s not always healthy.

Boys are encouraged at an early age to think that being a man and being strong go hand in hand. Halloween superhero costumes are padded to make 6-year-olds look like they have six-packs. As they grow older, the pressure to “man up” can sometimes lead to crash diets, over exercising, smoking, or even taking dangerous supplements. And in a culture that discourages boys from talking about their feelings, it can be that much harder for parents to detect their son’s body dissatisfaction.

Evidence shows that popular culture places burdens on both men’s and women’s wellbeing and self-esteem, often resulting in low confidence and self-consciousness. From a historical perspective people, have focused more on female body image because women are perceived to have more body image issues. But that’s not necessarily the case. The cultural expectation for men’s bodies has evolved in the last several decades. Because the conversation around body image has been so focused on the feminine perspective for so long, many guys may feel bad about their appearance, but they may not quite know what to do with those feelings.

In a separate survey, conducted by New Look, 35% of women surveyed claimed that they tend to feel unconfident about their bodies with figures being almost the same as for males. In fact, women appeared to be more confident about their body image than men: 37% to 35%. A similar study found that men now spend over three hours a week on average stressing over their image and feel the level of expectation upon them is rising. “It is true that in the overall evaluation of a person’s physical appearance is still more a part of how women are evaluated than men. There are more stringent standards for female beauty,” experts say. “But they think that the standards for men are equally hard to obtain in terms of muscularity leanness and youth.”

Novelist and biographer Frances Wilson mentions that men have always been preoccupied with their appearance, historically even more so than women but now it has become more acceptable and more visible. Wilson points to a creeping vogue towards the admiration of male beauty that hasn’t existed with such intensity before. ‘I think it’s a gender issue – as a society it’s become acceptable to admit we like male beauty. When I grew up, men were invisible and women were very visible, now it’s almost the reverse. Staring at a beautiful woman can be regarded as demeaning and undermining to her but staring at a beautiful man enhances his power. It’s about degrees of legitimate objectification.’

You need only look at the raft of pwhoar-some commentary over the actor Zac Efron’s latest striptease, the former rugby international Thom Evans’s underwear ad campaign, and at the success of the website TubeCrush for evidence that society’s eye is set firmly on what men look like.

Men’s grooming is one of the fastest growing sectors of the British beauty market, with men’s skincare estimated as worth £60 million last year, a rise of 20 per cent in the past five years. HSBC this year identified a new group of consumers called the ‘yummy’,young urban male professionals who spend their money on personal grooming and fitness.

Pressures to maintain their looks paired with the influence of well-groomed celebrities such as Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt are thought to have led to the recent increase in spending habits.

On average men spend 81 minutes a day on personal grooming, including cleansing, toning and moisturising, shaving, styling hair and choosing clothes, the study found.

Women have their beauty regime down to a fine art and get hair, clothes and make-up done in just 75 minutes.

“For the past 10 years eating disorders in men have been steadily rising…”

Personal trainer Matt Roberts also points to Britain’s tricky economic terrain as a catalyst for this focus on the physical. ‘I think the recession acted as a real shake-up for most men in terms of harnessing a competitive spirit that naturally bled into fitness and looks. It became about marking yourself as the dominant male and showing that you’re stronger, fitter, in better shape and more dynamic than the men around you.’

The New Look survey showed that the most common causes of men’s body insecurities are excess fat (26%), the waistline (18%), height, muscle size and definition and penis size. A similar survey conducted by Central YMCA and the Succeed Foundation has concluded that men when asked to rate their worries on different areas of their self-image were found to show most anxiety around fears they were overweight or had a beer belly (58%), yellowing teeth (20%) and concerns over lack of muscle (14%).

‘For the past 10 years eating disorders in men have been steadily rising,’ Sam Thomas, the founder and director of the charity Men Get Eating Disorders Too, says, citing last year’s report from the Royal College of Practitioners that found a 66 per cent rise in the number of men being treated for eating disorders. ‘Now studies from the NHS Information Centre show that approximately one quarter of all sufferers of eating disorders are male,’ he says.

Thomas points to celebrity culture as one reason that men today are feeling pressure about how they look. ‘There are two extremes of cases that we see. One is the traditional masculine image of what a man should look like – muscly, macho – and the opposite is the super slim. The difference between men and women is that women have one slim ideal, whereas men are expected to be both slim and defined and muscly.’

The fashion industry’s focus on a youth-centric, skinny boy image – almost as big a trend as their teenage female counterparts.

Other interesting findings from the survey included people from the North East region of the UK to be the most confident (with an average of 5.70 out of 10) in contrast to Wales with the least body confident women and the South East with the least body confident men.

Finally, another surprising result is that men appear to consistently get more bodily confident with age, aside from the 25-34 year old age group, who were found to have the least confidence in their bodies.
– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/cc-surveys-suggest-men-are-just-as-insecure-about-their-bodies-as-women/#sthash.6cDbXTFp.dpuf

Pharrell Reaction to Happy on Oprah

When you have a craft and you are able to make an impact for not only the people around you but the people around the world. This is truly awesome and I applaud this GENTLEMAN for making such a positive song. If this song does not put you in a better mode after listening to it, I do not know what to tell you. I love what this songs stands for. How says positivity does not sell?

Adrian “GC Smooth” Taylor