That Exclusive

imagesCAALMSKOIf a person looks good ‘on paper’ (has their life together, based on your standards) and our initial conversation with the individual is great, we believe that we can see ourselves with that person, if it works out. Therefore we make the decision to continue dating that person.

Dating: dat•ing – [ dáyting ] The activity of going on dates: the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner

This is usually done in order to get to know the person on a deeper level. When it gets serious enough where one decides they really like the other person and the feeling is mutual (which may not occur at the same time for both individuals) then a discussion occurs where an official title/relationship is established.

Is there an in between? Has a new type of relationship established itself in 2013? What is an exclusive relationship (an unofficial but official relationship)? Is there a difference between being in an exclusive vs official relationship? Is asking a person to be exclusive with you the SAME as asking for a relationship/official title?

Exclusivity may or may not work and this depends on viewpoint and how the term is defined:

Some think that being exclusive means NOT yet having the official “relationship title” BUT yet agreeing to ONLY be in an ‘engaged-like’ unofficial relationship with each other until a commitment or relationship is finally official or established, similar to marriage. Has the traditional ways of proposing, being engaged, and married transitioned into the life of being in a relationship and having a boyfriend/girlfriend?

What if a person’s definition of being exclusiveness has NOTHING to do with there being an official relationship title? A girl/guy asking the other to be exclusive & whom believes that an official commitment absolutely has everything to do with it, might get their feelings hurt & might think he/she’s in a relationship/commitment even though the other person doesn’t think so. And THAT can be a problem, especially when it comes to monogamy.

To some, being “Exclusive” means agreeing not to have sexual relations with anyone else. But what about the people who haven’t yet had sex and are waiting until marriage? Them not sleeping with others might just be their own way of practicing patience or abstinence, more so than it indicating that they are fully committing themselves to the other. Some may not “give it up” b/c they wouldn’t do so with anyone at all. Therefore, only concealing the goods out of respect, loyalty & commitment of themselves and God.

Is the hidden message in all this that:

“The exclusivity thing is a contradiction and tailored based on personal preference to satisfy one’s insecurity and lack of patience by establishing an (exclusive) informal relationship in order to feel a sense of security that the other person will not get with someone else? If a person decides to give up the goods without being in an official relationship then they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. If they have any doubt, they shouldn’t give it up until they are official or sure that person is the one.”

Should we ignore the grey area of dating exclusively and stick to the way I grew up? That is, 2 people would know they were officially in a relationship b/c 1 person would literally come right out & ask, “Hey, will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?” Should anything change prior to this?

Antionne Bolton

One thought on “That Exclusive

  1. Very good my man. I never really thought about this before. Interesting topic. This made me think about the relationships that I had been in.

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