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Sister Tips: 5 Ways to Get Out of a Relationship Rut

Sister Tips: 5 Ways to Get Out of a Relationship Rut

by Tamera Mowry

Hey everyone,

Time for a Sister Tip! I got a message in my inbox recently from a site user who said she was getting bored in her long-term relationship and wanted to know how she could spice things up.  I thought I’d do a post on it – I’m sure she’s not the only woman out there who feels this way! Here’s some of my advice if you find yourself stuck in a relationship rut:

1.) Know it’s normal: The first thing you should do when you start feeling bored is to stop blaming yourself.  A lot of women may freak out when they find that their initial passion has faded and start assuming that there must be wrong with their relationship.  There isn’t.  When you first start a relationship, you’re usually head over heels obsessed with the person – they’re all you can think about, you want to spend every moment with them, butterflies explode in your stomach when you look at them…you get the idea.  As a relationship grows, that initial fiery passion fades into a calm, steady simmer – and that’s completely normal! You know the saying, “Love is a choice”?  Basically, it means that you have to choose to keep loving your significant other, because all those butterflies from the beginning of your relationship are temporary.  Butterflies aren’t love – they’re infatuation.  Real love is slow and steady and patient. But that doesn’t mean you can’t spice things up along the way…

2.) Break the pattern: One thing I suggest is to try something new.  This sounds too easy, but it’s the truth. If your relationship routine starts feeling boring, then switch it up! Skip your dinner-TV-sleep schedule and do something you’ve never done before with your partner.  I’m not saying you have to go hang gliding (those of us with a fear of heights are just fine on the ground, thanks!), but even going out and trying a new restaurant can inject new life into a relationship. Tia’s got a great list of fun, unexpected date ideas…

3.) Be romantic:  Before you know it, your significant other can start feeling more like a friend than a boyfriend or husband.  And while friendship and trust should be a basis of any relationship, it’s important not to forget the romance!  From now on, start paying more attention to your relationship – when your hubby comes home, greet him with a big hug and a teenager-y kiss.  Text him a funny memory that only the two of you share to bring a smile to his face.  Keep the romance in your relationship!

4.) Take a class: Learning something new together as a couple can be a fun way to mentally re-engage with your partner.  Because the two of you are learning it together, it gives you something new to connect and talk about! Try an interesting new cooking class, or a dance or exercise class.  And you don’t have to take it completely seriously – let yourself giggle! A light, fun atmosphere can help cultivate more conversation and remind you both why you fell in love with each other again 🙂

5.) Keep dating: Dating is something you should be doing even after you’ve tied the knot.  Just because you’re husband and wife (or in a serious relationship) doesn’t mean you should just start taking each other for granted.  It’s an easy trap to fall into – after all, who needs to be wooed when they’re already committed? The answer is: everyone.  Relationships require maintenance, and one easy way to keep it running smoothly is to spend quality time with each other.  Try scheduling a weekly date night – and don’t just go to the same old restaurant every time.  Surprise him by taking him to the place where you both went on your first date – nothing rekindles a spark like reminding yourself of exactly how you felt when you first met!