Tag Archives: men

To All The Heartbroken Men Who Act Tough On The Outside: Don’t Give Up Hope

All About Men, , , , , ,

ADZI’m just going to go ahead and call out all you men out there. Yes, even you there, stud muffin, with your sweat-drenched, muscle-pumping, 5 o’clock shadow self. You, much like women, are either currently heartbroken or have been heartbroken by some audacious woman whom you thought was “the one.”

You can act tough, but I know that deep down, you are as soft as a teddy bear. Chances are, you have gone through the coulda, shoulda, woulda list. Sadly, you’ve been left with unanswered and empty questions.

Meanwhile, you are wondering how in the eff you’re going to get over this not-so-clever broad and if you’ll ever be able to move on.

So, in an attempt to help, here is an open letter to all those tough-on-the-outside, but soft-souled men: You’re going to be alright.

Dear Handsome,

I realize that at this current moment in time, you are hurting. You are examining every inch of your life and asking yourself how this happened and why.

While I don’t have the answers for you, and I probably never will, I can tell you that someone out there is waiting to love you with all her heart. She is wondering what it would be like to love someone as special as you, and to know what it feels like to be with someone she truly connects with.

I know you don’t see it now, and it will take some time, but this is for the better. It’s a growing point in your life; some things aren’t meant to last forever and they fall apart so better things can fall together.

I can tell you that whoever broke your heart didn’t realize how good she had it. Truth be told, she didn’t deserve to have you in the first place.

This person has conditioned you to work on yourself, and to help you become an even better man than you already are. You will be someone else’s dream come true. There’s someone in this world who looks at you and her heart beams. She smiles without even knowing it.

You are always on her mind, and you’re the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up. She ask herself how she went this long without knowing someone as awesome as you. That’s something to look forward to during this process.

When you’ve been damaged, the last thing on your mind is someone new. You grasp onto old memories, and just keeping asking, why? What did you do so wrong? Were you not enough? Did you not give enough attention? Did you not love her hard enough? Is there something wrong with you?

I only ask two simple things of you: Stop asking why and please don’t blame yourself. Insecurities can truly ruin any relationship, and nine times out of 10, it has nothing to do with you.

It hurts as if your heart has been stabbed with a million burning knives. You’re probably thinking you can’t move on from this, but I am here to tell you that you can and you will. Whether it’s centerstage or behind the curtain, someone cares and will be there for whatever you need.

You probably barely know or might not even know the person who is smiling at the thought of you right now.

When the timing is right, and the stars align in the night sky, it will all work out. Healing is a process, and it takes however long your heart needs.

Wake up each day thinking, “I can and will get through this,” and I promise that you will. Keep your beautiful face held high, smile and know that your future is waiting for you.

Take each day in stride, and whatever you do, please don’t shut down. You will close yourself off to a love that is waiting for you. Whether you see it or not, you are an incredible individual with so much potential to make someone happier than she ever imagined possible.

We have all been broken before, and it’s up to us to rebuild and move forward. It’s not the end; just think of how much better your next relationship will be. Forgive her, forgive yourself, make new friends, build bonds with new people and remember to smile.

To the woman who destroyed your amazing heart, thank you. Thank you for letting this incredible man go, and giving someone else the opportunity to love and cherish him the way he deserves. Thank you for quitting and allowing someone new to heal and mend his heart.

True love doesn’t quit, and you closed the door. No judgment, just a huge thank you. You are helping someone else’s future of pure bliss and happiness come to fruition.

Keep your head up, handsome. She is out there and waiting patiently for when the time is right.

Sincerely, Your Friend 

Originally appeared at Elite Daily

 

Men May Have the Key to a Happy Marriage

Relationships, , , ,

Dr. Jed Diamond believes that men can and should become leaders in maintaining long-lasting relationships, and he’s got the science to back him up.
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As a psychotherapist I have been helping people find, keep, and develop healthy loving relationships for more than 40 years now. Carlin and I have been married (third marriage for each of us) for 34 years. I had hoped being a therapist would protect our relationship from the problems so many of my clients face, but it didn’t. We’ve had to deal with irritability and anger, male menopause, depression, bipolar disorder, boredom, and beady-eyed fights.
“Falling in love and being loved in return is the peak experience of human existence…”
Like most couples, Carlin and I were joyfully and passionately “in love,” but it didn’t last. Over the years, the little irritations of life began to grind away at us. We missed what we once had, but didn’t know how to recapture it. Maybe staying in love was an illusion, we thought. Perhaps George Bernard Shaw was right when observed in 1908, “When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”
If we look at the statistics, the odds of “living happily ever after” are against us. Around 50% of first marriages end in divorce and second and third marriages fare even worse. But we learned that science offers a new perspective on love and how it can last. “Falling in love and being loved in return is the peak experience of human existence,” says Dr. Fran Cohen, author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship. “When love fades, we can quite literally use our brains to bring it back.”
Two experts who have helped us reclaim our loving relationship are John Gottman, who recently wrote another helpful book, What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal and Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense: A Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. If you’re serious about learning to love, you couldn’t find better guides than these.
We’ve long believed that how women feel determines the state of the marriage–“Happy wife, happy life.” But new research from the University of Chicago indicates that men may hold the key to the emotional state of the relationship. The study, “Marital Conflict in Older Couples: Positivity, Personality, and Health,”reports results from a national survey with data analyzed from 953 heterosexual couples who were married or cohabitating. The study participants ranged in age from 63 to 90 years old and the average length of their relationships was 39 years.
“Wives report more conflict if their husband is in poor health,” said the study’s lead author, James Iveniuk, PhD candidate in the Department of Sociology. “If the wife is in poor health, there doesn’t seem to be any difference in terms of the quality of the marriage for the husband.” Another key difference was in a measure the researchers call positive expressivity which includes things like being gentle, helpful, kind, and understanding. “Wives whose husbands show higher levels of positivity reported less conflict. However, the wives’ positivity had no association with their husbands’ reports of conflict,” Iveniuk said.
Why Men’s Moods Matter
“Men are very often more sensitive than women, despite stereotypes you’ve heard,” says relationship expert April Masini. “It’s a lot easier for men to become depressed or unhappy than women in the same circumstances. Men are sensitive, and when they’re unhappy, the marriage dynamic flags.”
Masini’s experience is validated by the work of long-time relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Gottman discovered some surprising things about men’s emotions and how they impact relationships. Gottman traces men’s greater reactivity to stress in the relationship to our evolutionary past. “Males whose adrenaline kicked in quite readily who did not calm down so easily were more likely to survive and procreate.”
“Men can have a huge impact on the state of their relationship and the key is to deal with the stresses that can overwhelm…
Gottman goes on to say, “to this day, the male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress.” For example, if a man and woman suddenly hear a very loud, brief sound, like a blowout, most likely his heart will beat faster than hers and stay accelerated longer. The same goes for their blood pressure. This helps account for the fact, Gottman believes, that men tend to withdraw and avoid conflict in a relationship. “It’s a biological fact,” says Gottman. “Men are more easily overwhelmed by marital conflict than are their wives.”
Women often complain that men don’t want to talk about difficult issues, that they withdraw when she wants to express herself. This may be true, but not because men aren’t interested in listening or in resolving conflict. It may be because he is more easily overwhelmed by conflict and be becomes “flooded.” Dr. Gottman says, “Frequently feeling flooded leads almost inevitably to distancing yourself from your spouse. That in turn leads you to feel lonely.”
This was certainly the case with Carlin and me. Once we learned to reduce the stress we felt, we could share more openly without criticism or blame.
Men often believe that they can do little to improve their relationship, that relationships are “women’s work.” But it turns out that men can have a huge impact on the state of their relationship and the key is to deal with the stresses that can overwhelm and “flood” them. In my book Stress Relief for Men: How to Use the Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well,I teach men, and the women who love them, how to use four energy healing tools to get their relationship back on track. I’ve used them myself to reclaim the easy love that I thought my wife and I had lost. I’ve taught them to many of my clients.
Men may hold the key to creating a happy marriage and once they learn that they not only have the power to make things better, but the skills to do so effectively, they are ready to act. Men no longer have to feel they are powerless in relationship. In fact, they may find that they can lead the way in making their relationships wonderful.

8 Signs You’ve Found The Woman You Should Make Your Wife

Relationships, , , , ,

Women – you can’t live with them; you can’t live without them. Although a catchy aphorism, it’s rather useless. If you can’t live with a woman or without her, then you’re basically screwed. Fortunately, it is most definitely possible to form a bond with a lover strong enough to last a lifetime. The real trick is understanding whether or not the woman is – for lack of a better phrase – a keeper. While each man will be attracted to a different sort of woman, there are a couple of signs that you should pay especially close attention to. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe a man should only get married once. Here are a couple of ways of knowing that the woman you’ve found may very well be the last woman you’ll ever need: You trust her. Although a given, trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship. What’s most important to keep in mind is how fragile the trust between two individuals is – especially between two individuals who are intimately involved with each other. When one person breaks the other’s trust, it causes pain. The more someone trusts the person – the more he or she cares – and the more it will hurt once that trust is broken. Such pain leaves gaping scars that can take eternity to heal. If you found a woman whom you trust entirely and, more importantly, a woman with whom you can’t imagine breaking that trust, then you may have found the one.
She’s a positive force in your life rather than a negative influence.
This is something that I am nearly embarrassed to say took me a long time to comprehend. Truth be told, I only came to understand it recently. When you’re in love, it can be difficult to understand exactly how an individual impacts your life.
Because love is as blinding and distracting as it is, realizing the negative impact a person has on you can be almost impossible.
There are people in your life who will support you, criticize you constructively, and help you learn. Then there are those who will point out flaws with such a negative tone that it’s perfectly evident that their only wish is to hurt you.
If your woman is the latter, then break away as soon as you can; the relationship will only bring you pain and misery.
She believes in you, motivating you to believe in yourself.
Let’s say that we are lucky enough to live to 80. That’s roughly 29,000 days… 29,000 days that you should get up and push ahead in life with full force. Finding a way to motivate yourself day in and day out can be a daunting task – if not impossible altogether.
However, finding the right woman to help motivate you can make the difference between the realization of your dreams and continuous failure. The ideal woman is a woman who motivates you both actively and passively to be, and to do, better.
One of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon a man is a reason to be a better man.
Your life is much better with her than it is without her.
Emotions aside, the woman you ought to marry is the woman who adds to your life and doesn’t simply take away from it. Again, this can be a difficult differentiation to make, but it is one of dire importance.
Your emotions can lead you to believe that you need a woman that, in reality, you would be better without. You need to take a step back and decide whether your life is better or worse with her as a part of it.
She never makes excuses when you need her.
Dependability, although often incorporated with trust, is a beast of its own.
Is your woman the kind of woman whom you can depend on? Will she be there for you not only when you are at your best, but likewise when you’re at your worst?
Will she stay by your side or will her love waver the minute the waters turn rough? Some women are more interested in what you can do for them than what you mean to them.
The sex is really, really good.
There is a certain level of physical chemistry that I believe necessary for a marriage to work. This is one reason I could never understand remaining celibate until after the wedding day – if the sex is really bad then you’re going to have a difficult time being happy within the partnership.
Some people say that they don’t care much for sex… I’d say that this is because they’ve never had mind-blowing sex before. Although you may be able to get away with ignorance as bliss, why settle for less?
You both want the same things in life.
This is yet another crucial aspect of relationships that many overlook until it’s too late. It’s easy to love a woman when you don’t fully understand her – and to understand her, you have to understand exactly what it is that she wants out of life.
What does she want to do? Experience? Accomplish? What are her goals? Her dreams? Her wants? Her passions?
Too often we don’t realize that, although theoretically we may be compatible as individuals, our ideal lifestyles aren’t compatible. It’s difficult to spend your life with someone when the paths you need to take separate.
You love each other deeply. Before you go ahead and say, “Yes, of course we do!,” make sure that you understand what loving deeply means. To love deeply is to love twofold – it’s to love romantically and to love in the form of agape. To truly love each other is to love not only who the person is as an individual, but also to love what that person means to you. You have to love the person for who that person is as well as what that person does for you. The common definition of love, to love unconditionally, is wrong. We all love conditionally whether we like to admit it or not. The deepest love is a love that can combine both unconditional and conditional love to form a bond that cannot be broken by outside force – a mutual love that can last the test of time.

Originally appeared at Elite Daily –

Five Ways to be A Gentleman in a Wold Full of Boys

All About Men, , , , ,

I keep hearing people proclaim the death of the gentleman. Everywhere I turn, I see overgrown boys speak to women in abominable ways. I see them playing manipulative games and emotionally punishing women like a pack of high school children.

I’ve seen these overgrown boys high-five their friends after spending a night with a woman, and then recount all the things she thought she shared with him and him alone.

I call them “overgrown boys” because they are not men; being a man is more than just mimicking the external features of manhood. Being a man means embodying the behaviors of one, of gracefully owning the calculating logic and flowing emotion that lives within us all.

In short, being a man is living in harmony with what you think and how you feel.

I will not delve into the superficial characteristics of a gentleman (such as holding doors and paying for dates), as the subject has been discussed at length. My interest is in the mindset of a modern gentleman: the class of Clooney; the fun-loving, go-getter attitude of a Branson; the seductive energy of Depp.

The Modern Gentleman is driven.

This is the single greatest flaw I see with men of my generation. When did it become cool to be in your mid-20s and have no vision?

Sure, you post motivational quotes on Facebook, along with pictures of what you consider to be the good life, but why are you spending your Friday and Saturday nights piss drunk or hungover?

What’s with the 4 am McDonalds runs? How productive are you after a night out?

Listen, it’s fine to let loose sometimes, but if this is your weekly routine, you need to reevaluate where you’re going. A man of passion is a man who will constantly strive to better the lives of the people he loves. Turn off “Game of Thrones” and get cracking.

The Modern Gentleman is composed.

I can’t believe the lack of maturity I’m seeing these days. From bragging about your sexual conquests to getting into arguments, to verbally lowering people around you to emotional outbursts at the wrong times. What the hell, man?

A gentleman is absolutely discreet, always composed and always in control. He does not let his emotions get the best of him.

Remember, it’s all about balance. Everyone has good days; everyone has bad days. What distinguishes you is your character on such days. When challenged, our lowest nature will drag us into the chaos with clenched fists, but ultimately, you lose.

You lose every time you react to someone who taunts you. You lose every time you brag to your friends for validation. You lose every time you argue with people you care about.

How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”
How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

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How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

By Patrick Armen

Fathers Incorporated Announces Its 10th Anniversary Gala: Celebrating 10 Years Of Building Better Fathers

All About Men, , , , ,

Judge Greg Mathis Will Serve As Keynote Speaker; Tracy Martin (Father Of Trayvon) Among Awardees

– Judge Greg Mathis, presiding jurist of the nationally syndicated, reality-based court show “Judge Mathis,” will serve as the Keynote Speaker at Fathers Incorporated’s 10th Annual Fundraising Gala to be held on November 18, 2014, at the Alhambra Ballroom, Harlem, New York, 6:30 p.m.– 9:30 p.m. For more information, tickets and sponsorship please visit www.fathersincgala.com –

kenneth_braswell_fathers_inc

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kenneth Braswell; Executive Director, Fathers Incorporated

New York, NY — On Tuesday, November 18th many of the most committed and influential agents of change across the country will come together to join Fathers Incorporated in celebrating a decade of working to build better fathers by strengthening communities and family infrastructure. Terrie Williams, President of the Terrie Williams Agency and author of Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting, will serve as the Mistress of Ceremonies for the evening’s festivities.

“This year’s gala represents a major milestone for us at Fathers Incorporated. We have a significant story to tell about our humble beginnings from a small nonprofit founded in Albany, NY to a seasoned national fatherhood organization that serves as a leader in the promotion of Responsible Fatherhood and Mentoring in addition to the management of President Obama’s National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse. We have grown and produced impacts by using innovative social marketing and multi-media platforms, developing research-based products for the field, engaging in intensive outreach, and connecting key stakeholders–all serving to combat father absence in society and help support fathers in their role as parents,” says Braswell.

According to Shawn Dove, Manager of the Open Society Foundations’ Campaign for Black Male Achievement, “We are fortunate to have Fathers Incorporated as our friend and partner. Fathers Incorporated believes that the presence or absence of one’s father shapes the way that children view the world and develop. It believes in the family, the importance of fathers for children to thrive, and the importance of supporting men in families to continue to create positive changes in our communities. CBMA applauds the work of Fathers Incorporated and its contributions to the field of fatherhood. November 18th will be a special opportunity to separate its accomplishments and help increase support for the mission of Fathers Incorporated.”

In addition to celebrating Fathers Incorporated’s anniversary and accomplishments, a portion of the Gala will be devoted to honoring the partners who have worked with the organization over this past year to make a difference in the lives of fathers and families. 2014 Fathers Incorporated Honorees:

* Tracy Martin – The father of Trayvon Martin, who has encouraged a nation of Black fathers by example to be available for our children in the best and worst of life’s situations.

* Purple R.E.I.G.N. – Under the leadership of Founder and DV survivor Asia D. Smith, this Domestic Violence agency has addressed the tragic effects of DV for women, men, and children.

* Black Star Project – Founder and Executive Director, Phillip Jackson engages over 700 cities and thousands of schools across the globe to celebrate the Million Father March–encouraging fathers to engage in educational childhood development.

* Judge Greg Mathis – Judge Mathis is a national figure known for his advocacy campaigns for equal justice. His inspirational life story of a street youth who rose from jail to Judge has provided hope to millions who watch him on the award-winning television court show “Judge Mathis” each day.

* Cbabi Bayoc – Cbabi (stands for “Creative Black Artist Battling Ignorance”) Bayoc is an artist dedicated to using his craft to promote positive images of fatherhood, including his creation of 365 Days with Dad–paintings depicting inspirational portraits of Black fathers and their children.

* Dove Men+Care – Since the launch of the brand in 2010, Dove Men+Care has been committed to celebrating and authentically portraying and honoring fathers, coaches, and male mentors.

The mission of Fathers Incorporated is to encourage the positive involvement of father’s in the lives of children. If you agree, please join them to make a difference! Tickets and Gala Journal Ads are on sale now (early bird rates end 10/22).

The organization says, “With your support, we can continue to make a significant contribution to the work of Responsible Fatherhood and Mentoring!”

To learn more about Fathers Incorporated, purchase tickets, or make a donation, please visit www.fathersincgala.com.

PRESS CONTACT:
Kenneth Braswell
770-804-9800
fathersincorporated@gmail.com

Stephen A. Smith Comments

Growth, Relationships, , , , ,

StephenSmithI listen to Steven A. Smith comments today and I am not sure what the up roar is all about. I did not find anything that he said terrible. He actually spoke the truth. He said, “No man should ever hit a woman, but a woman should do everything that she can do not to provoke him.” I have written about this before. A woman should never hit a man, I mean ever. I do not care what the circumstances are. Just because you are a smaller person and you hit a man it does not suggest that a man will not hit you back. There is no need for anyone to hit anyone.

As much as we teach boys growing up you do not hit a woman, we have to start teaching our girls the same thing. You should not hit a man unless he hits you or you feel your life is in danger. I have been slapped and scratched by a woman and I am here to tell you it does not feel good at all. It will almost make you forget that she is a woman for a split second. Now I have never hit a young lady but if I was that guy, it could have been a real problem.

We have become so sensitive to the truth that it is sad. When I read the headlines and seen everything trending title “Stephen A. Smith Rant” I thought I was really about to hear something terrible. I stand behind what he said. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Some women need to take responsibility for their actions as well. Let’s be clear there are men that hit women because they are animals.

There are too many videos out there where a woman is hitting a man spitting on him and he gets fed up and hits her. I think he is talking about those situations. Please let’s all practice not hitting the opposite sex. Nothing good comes out of it!

Adrian “GC Smooth” Taylor

Father’s Day

All About Men, , , , ,

20140113-145636.jpgHere comes Father’s day. The day intended to acknowledge fathers and father like figures in a child’s life. Not the day to acknowledge poor decision making by in your love life. Now, some women have been dealt a bad hand of cards. They have helped in the selection process of dating/sleeping with and or marrying someone who didn’t do his part in raising a child he helped create. Some women have the unfortunate story of having the father of their child absent because he is either dead; she doesn’t know who he is or he is incarcerated. I will even extend this to rape victims as well; those things are horrific. Let’s be perfectly clear I am not saying bad things don’t happen to good people but you mean to tell me the entire time your child was growing up there was absolutely no man around that could have provided some form of fatherly advice, counsel or love? Did you miss out on something great for you and your child(ren) because you let society tell you that you can do it all? Are you a man who knows a single mother and you failed to extend that option to her with no strings attached? Guess who is adding to the problem of women celebrating Father’s day..

Here is a newsflash, you can’t do it all. I don’t care who lied to you and told you that your selfish behind deserves two holidays they lied. The most powerful person in a child’s life is that same sex parent and God forbid you tell your daughter that she can do everything on her own, she doesn’t need a man. God did not extract a rib from Adam to create a woman in order for her to do it alone. Don’t let your son grow up thinking that he will make a great man without having someone in his life to emulate. You are going to end up with a grown boy who will cause hell in his relationships because he’s been married to his mother first and he has absolutely no direction into manhood because you were being selfish.

There are many cases for each scenario and I’m sure someone will argue with me. Okay let’s just settle it right now; it’s still wrong. Independent women learn to make the most of what she has while building bigger and better. So why not utilize the men in your life (pastor, homeboy, man-bestie, bro, bruh, step dad, real dad etc) and allow them to provide your sons with tools to succeed and that will give your daughter with an example of what she is looking for when her time comes…or do you want her to be lonely and selfish like you? After all, are you really fraternizing with people who lack the moral compass to guide a young mind? This would again bring me to my point of you being reckless and providing a poor example to your children. Men don’t get many holidays. No one really comes to the wedding to see the groom and typically when a baby is born, they automatically assume the man is good. Let these men have this one day, geez.

Country Girl.

Men by Maya Angelou

All About Men, , , ,

imagesCAIMBI5D
When I was young, I used to
Watch behind the curtains
As men walked up and down the street. Wino men, old men.
Young men sharp as mustard.
See them. Men are always
Going somewhere.
They knew I was there. Fifteen
Years old and starving for them.
Under my window, they would pauses,
Their shoulders high like the
Breasts of a young girl,
Jacket tails slapping over
Those behinds,
Men.

One day they hold you in the
Palms of their hands, gentle, as if you
Were the last raw egg in the world. Then
They tighten up. Just a little. The
First squeeze is nice. A quick hug.
Soft into your defenselessness. A little
More. The hurt begins. Wrench out a
Smile that slides around the fear. When the
Air disappears,
Your mind pops, exploding fiercely, briefly,
Like the head of a kitchen match. Shattered.
It is your juice
That runs down their legs. Staining their shoes.
When the earth rights itself again,
And taste tries to return to the tongue,
Your body has slammed shut. Forever.
No keys exist.

Then the window draws full upon
Your mind. There, just beyond
The sway of curtains, men walk.
Knowing something.
Going someplace.
But this time, I will simply
Stand and watch.

Maybe.

Maya Angelou

Surveys Suggest Men Are Just As Insecure About Their Bodies As Women

All About Men, , , ,

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May 16, 2014 by the Editors
A new study confirms what we know: That more men than the media typically portrays admit to being anxious and unconfident about their body image.

New Look have recently commissioned a One Poll survey of 2,000 British male adults. It found that more men admit to being anxious and unconfident about their body image than the press or online resources would suggest. Google records thousands of results for “women’s body confidence” online in contrast to only 8 results for “men’s body confidence” [include speech marks]. This fact probably resonates with a similar study commissioned by Central YMCA and the Succeed Foundation that found men fear being judged by male friends for exhibiting too much concern about their image resulting to stress over food intake and diet in secret.

“Over the past 30 years, the ideal male physique has gained muscle and lost body fat.”

With societies’ hand on the pulse of popularity, we’re often left to wonder — why don’t men ever talk about body image issues? Would they be deemed sensitive or weak if they discussed the dissatisfaction of their appearance? Would they not be looked at as protectors and/or leaders if they honestly admitted that they have physical insecurities? Has pop culture demoralized morality and influenced masculinity to the point that men have disassociated themselves with the authenticity of vulnerability?

Messages in the media about feeling and looking powerful have a huge influence on boys. Over the past 30 years, the ideal male physique has gained muscle and lost body fat. Now, online forums and blogs make it easy to seek and share information about diet and fitness that’s not always healthy.

Boys are encouraged at an early age to think that being a man and being strong go hand in hand. Halloween superhero costumes are padded to make 6-year-olds look like they have six-packs. As they grow older, the pressure to “man up” can sometimes lead to crash diets, over exercising, smoking, or even taking dangerous supplements. And in a culture that discourages boys from talking about their feelings, it can be that much harder for parents to detect their son’s body dissatisfaction.

Evidence shows that popular culture places burdens on both men’s and women’s wellbeing and self-esteem, often resulting in low confidence and self-consciousness. From a historical perspective people, have focused more on female body image because women are perceived to have more body image issues. But that’s not necessarily the case. The cultural expectation for men’s bodies has evolved in the last several decades. Because the conversation around body image has been so focused on the feminine perspective for so long, many guys may feel bad about their appearance, but they may not quite know what to do with those feelings.

In a separate survey, conducted by New Look, 35% of women surveyed claimed that they tend to feel unconfident about their bodies with figures being almost the same as for males. In fact, women appeared to be more confident about their body image than men: 37% to 35%. A similar study found that men now spend over three hours a week on average stressing over their image and feel the level of expectation upon them is rising. “It is true that in the overall evaluation of a person’s physical appearance is still more a part of how women are evaluated than men. There are more stringent standards for female beauty,” experts say. “But they think that the standards for men are equally hard to obtain in terms of muscularity leanness and youth.”

Novelist and biographer Frances Wilson mentions that men have always been preoccupied with their appearance, historically even more so than women but now it has become more acceptable and more visible. Wilson points to a creeping vogue towards the admiration of male beauty that hasn’t existed with such intensity before. ‘I think it’s a gender issue – as a society it’s become acceptable to admit we like male beauty. When I grew up, men were invisible and women were very visible, now it’s almost the reverse. Staring at a beautiful woman can be regarded as demeaning and undermining to her but staring at a beautiful man enhances his power. It’s about degrees of legitimate objectification.’

You need only look at the raft of pwhoar-some commentary over the actor Zac Efron’s latest striptease, the former rugby international Thom Evans’s underwear ad campaign, and at the success of the website TubeCrush for evidence that society’s eye is set firmly on what men look like.

Men’s grooming is one of the fastest growing sectors of the British beauty market, with men’s skincare estimated as worth £60 million last year, a rise of 20 per cent in the past five years. HSBC this year identified a new group of consumers called the ‘yummy’,young urban male professionals who spend their money on personal grooming and fitness.

Pressures to maintain their looks paired with the influence of well-groomed celebrities such as Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt are thought to have led to the recent increase in spending habits.

On average men spend 81 minutes a day on personal grooming, including cleansing, toning and moisturising, shaving, styling hair and choosing clothes, the study found.

Women have their beauty regime down to a fine art and get hair, clothes and make-up done in just 75 minutes.

“For the past 10 years eating disorders in men have been steadily rising…”

Personal trainer Matt Roberts also points to Britain’s tricky economic terrain as a catalyst for this focus on the physical. ‘I think the recession acted as a real shake-up for most men in terms of harnessing a competitive spirit that naturally bled into fitness and looks. It became about marking yourself as the dominant male and showing that you’re stronger, fitter, in better shape and more dynamic than the men around you.’

The New Look survey showed that the most common causes of men’s body insecurities are excess fat (26%), the waistline (18%), height, muscle size and definition and penis size. A similar survey conducted by Central YMCA and the Succeed Foundation has concluded that men when asked to rate their worries on different areas of their self-image were found to show most anxiety around fears they were overweight or had a beer belly (58%), yellowing teeth (20%) and concerns over lack of muscle (14%).

‘For the past 10 years eating disorders in men have been steadily rising,’ Sam Thomas, the founder and director of the charity Men Get Eating Disorders Too, says, citing last year’s report from the Royal College of Practitioners that found a 66 per cent rise in the number of men being treated for eating disorders. ‘Now studies from the NHS Information Centre show that approximately one quarter of all sufferers of eating disorders are male,’ he says.

Thomas points to celebrity culture as one reason that men today are feeling pressure about how they look. ‘There are two extremes of cases that we see. One is the traditional masculine image of what a man should look like – muscly, macho – and the opposite is the super slim. The difference between men and women is that women have one slim ideal, whereas men are expected to be both slim and defined and muscly.’

The fashion industry’s focus on a youth-centric, skinny boy image – almost as big a trend as their teenage female counterparts.

Other interesting findings from the survey included people from the North East region of the UK to be the most confident (with an average of 5.70 out of 10) in contrast to Wales with the least body confident women and the South East with the least body confident men.

Finally, another surprising result is that men appear to consistently get more bodily confident with age, aside from the 25-34 year old age group, who were found to have the least confidence in their bodies.
– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/cc-surveys-suggest-men-are-just-as-insecure-about-their-bodies-as-women/#sthash.6cDbXTFp.dpuf