Tag Archives: marriage

15 Honest Questions the Person You Marry Should Be Able To Answer

All About Men, Relationships, ,

loveMarriage really is a beautiful thing. I used to think it was a bit pointless, just a piece of paper that allows you an extra tax cut. However, the more I thought about it, the more I learned to appreciate what marriage could be.

Marriage gets a bad rap because most people are really bad at it. It’s not marriage’s fault. It’s the couples’ fault for being neither mature enough nor smart enough to manage.

I used to believe people couldn’t possibly promise to love someone else in 10, 20 years when neither their partners nor they will be the same people they are now. But that’s the point. We know that the future is filled with uncertainty.

Regardless, we still want that promise because it gives us courage to give ourselves to another without reservations.

You may not be able to keep that promise, but you can keep the promise to do your best to be an amazing life partner. That’s all anyone can really ask for. If you’re thinking about tying the knot then be sure that your future life partner to-be can honestly answer these questions to your liking:

1. Why do you love me?

People seem to feel this is a question that doesn’t especially need answering. Most will say we love others simply because we love them — a horrible answer. All people need to know exactly why it is that they love the people they love.

Loving someone is a very selfish act, and it’s okay. You love the person you love for what that person does for you and how he or she makes you feel.

We may all have slightly different answers as to why we love someone, but if we aren’t able to exactly define the parameters of our love, then we’re likely to struggle later on once the initial intensity dies down. If your partner can’t answer why he or she loves you now, then imagine the inevitable uncertainty down the road.

2. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?

“Because I love you” is not a good answer. Life is a journey — one that is best not traveled entirely alone. However, not everyone has the same destination in mind. Wanting to take different pit stops along the route is one thing. Wanting different things out of life is another entirely.

Your partner should be able to tell you what life experiences he or she hopes to share with you. It’s these little goals you set for yourselves that make your life special.

3. Will you do your best to keep the romance alive?

Keeping the romance alive is not an easy task. Yes, it’s all mental, but keeping interest for such a long time is difficult. It takes a lot of work and creativity. It takes the other person regularly trying to please and impress you, which in itself becomes increasingly difficult with each new year.

Romantic love cannot survive on its own; both of you are going to have to maintain it constantly. Is your partner willing to keep the romance as one of his or her main priorities?

4. Will you grow with me, and not away from me?

We may not know exactly where our lives will take us and what we will learn — who we will become — along the way, but we can make a conscious effort to grow closer together and not apart.

Most people grow apart over the years because they feel like they’ve accomplished everything in their relationships that needs accomplishing.

This is one main reason marriages end up being so horrible — people think that there is no greater peak to climb than the one their relationship is already resting on. Marriage shouldn’t be the end, it should be the beginning.

5. Will you stick through the rough times?

The good times are a piece of cake. The difficult times, however, will destroy your relationship if you allow them to. There comes a point in every relationship when you have to make a decision. It’s a decision that, if made, is only made once.  You will reach a point where you will either decide you are going to be there for this person for the rest of his or her life, or not.

If you decide you’re going to stick with this person then you can’t allow any tragedy or outside force to shake that decision. This is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives — or, as it often turns out, fail to make decisively. Has your lover made the decision? Have you?

6. Are you willing to lose some battles in order to keep the peace?

The key to a successful marriage is taming your ego. No matter how competitive we are, sometimes you just need to pick your battles. Sometimes the arguments and the stress just aren’t worth it.

What you need to understand is that 99 percent of arguments aren’t arguments over fact, but rather over opinion. An opinion is neither right nor wrong. Sometimes you just have to let things be.

7. Can you promise to put us ahead of everything else?

Life has a lot to offer. And if you’re anything like me, you have a very large appetite. We want everything life has to offer, and then some. The problem is we don’t have enough time to have it all; our lives are too short. We can only pick a few things we consider important and do our best to flourish in those areas.

The beauty of marriage is that it can be used as a base to build the rest of your life on. Your partner should be just that: your partner. Your relationship is the most important thing in your life because it’s what makes the rest of your life possible.

8. Will you be a great parent?

Again, how could anyone know he or she will be a great parent? Easy. You just decide you’re going to be. That’s it. No tricks. No gimmicks. Just a decision and then action.

Some things don’t need too much thinking involved. You’re going to be great because you decided you will be. Will your lover do the same and be a great role model for your children?

9. Will you be sure to remind me how much you love me regularly?

People not only want, but need to hear it. We need to be reminded you love us because we know that love doesn’t always last forever. We want to hear the words and then have that reassurement reinforced with actions showing how much you love us.

It really is enough just to love us, but understand you need to love us the way we need to be loved — just like we need to love you the way you need to be loved in order for you to be happy.

10. Can you promise to do all you can to keep that spark alive?

Sparks don’t spark on their own. Think about how a lighter works. You have a spark that lights the fuel, which creates a flame. But how does that spark, spark? You have to create a force that will result in the energy creating a spark.

Just the same, you can’t expect sparks to keep flying if you’re not trying. If you want to have a happy and healthy marriage, then you need to find someone willing to devote the necessary energy.

11. Will you support me if I can’t support myself?

Not just financially, but mentally. Maybe even physically if necessary. No one knows what life holds. The unexpected happens, often leaving us weak, hurt or even permanently damaged. Will your partner carry you when you can’t walk?

Will your partner support you when you’re weak at the knees? Will your partner carry the family you’ve created until you regain your strength? Is your partner capable of mustering the strength to fight battles for the both of you?

12. Will you promise to continue to pursue your personal goals and dreams?

Marriage is not entirely the end of the person you were and the start of a new you. Sure, being in a serious relationship does require a person to change in many ways.

Yet, there’s a part of us we can never, under any circumstance, let go of. The dreams, wants and hopes we have — our personal goals — must stay alive.

When we lose them, we lose ourselves and inevitably lose the person we love. Marriage isn’t just an “us.” It’s also a you and him/her. You have to juggle being the person you have always been with being a part of a larger whole. It’s not easy. But it is necessary.

13. Will you not allow yourself to let go?

Will your partner take care of him or herself by eating healthy and exercising? Will your partner get regular checkups and take vitamins? This may sound silly, but I’ve seen what letting yourself go can do to a marriage.

Moreover, I’ve seen how not maintaining your health can make the lives of those closest to you incredibly difficult.

Yes, your family should take care of you when you need to be taken care of — but it’s your responsibility first and foremost to take care of yourself. No people should become a burden to those they love.

14. If I’m the first to go, will you be there with me until the end?

Will your partner hold your hand when you’re too weak to hold it back? Will your partner kiss your forehead and tell you he or she loves you, that you made life worth living? That, because of you, life made sense? Will your partner be there for your last breath, when you find yourself pressed betwixt fear and content?

No one should leave this world alone. It’s said that we leave it the way we come into it, but even when we come into it, there’s someone there to hold us. I understand most people don’t like to think about death, but seeing as it’s an inevitability, it’s better to plan ahead.

15. Can you promise me that if my time is cut short, you’ll continue to live on for the both of us?

You love this person. You want him or her to be happy regardless of whether he or she is with you or without you. If death collects you ahead of schedule, you’ll want to know during those last few seconds that the person you love will continue to live life to the fullest.

That your partner will continue to do great things, continue to be happy, and — if you have children — continue to love your children and guide them through life.

The death of a loved one can ruin you. It can break you in ways that make full-recovery impossible. Can your partner promise you to find the strength and courage to press forward?

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I’d want for the woman I love is for my departure to be her downfall. If my being in her life or leaving her life will in anyway destroy hers, then I clearly made a mistake by allowing myself into her life.

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This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.

by Paul Hudson

– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/kt-15-honest-questions-the-person-you-marry-should-be-able-to-answer/#sthash.ltAcYP8o.dpuf

Men May Have the Key to a Happy Marriage

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Dr. Jed Diamond believes that men can and should become leaders in maintaining long-lasting relationships, and he’s got the science to back him up.
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As a psychotherapist I have been helping people find, keep, and develop healthy loving relationships for more than 40 years now. Carlin and I have been married (third marriage for each of us) for 34 years. I had hoped being a therapist would protect our relationship from the problems so many of my clients face, but it didn’t. We’ve had to deal with irritability and anger, male menopause, depression, bipolar disorder, boredom, and beady-eyed fights.
“Falling in love and being loved in return is the peak experience of human existence…”
Like most couples, Carlin and I were joyfully and passionately “in love,” but it didn’t last. Over the years, the little irritations of life began to grind away at us. We missed what we once had, but didn’t know how to recapture it. Maybe staying in love was an illusion, we thought. Perhaps George Bernard Shaw was right when observed in 1908, “When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”
If we look at the statistics, the odds of “living happily ever after” are against us. Around 50% of first marriages end in divorce and second and third marriages fare even worse. But we learned that science offers a new perspective on love and how it can last. “Falling in love and being loved in return is the peak experience of human existence,” says Dr. Fran Cohen, author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship. “When love fades, we can quite literally use our brains to bring it back.”
Two experts who have helped us reclaim our loving relationship are John Gottman, who recently wrote another helpful book, What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal and Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense: A Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. If you’re serious about learning to love, you couldn’t find better guides than these.
We’ve long believed that how women feel determines the state of the marriage–“Happy wife, happy life.” But new research from the University of Chicago indicates that men may hold the key to the emotional state of the relationship. The study, “Marital Conflict in Older Couples: Positivity, Personality, and Health,”reports results from a national survey with data analyzed from 953 heterosexual couples who were married or cohabitating. The study participants ranged in age from 63 to 90 years old and the average length of their relationships was 39 years.
“Wives report more conflict if their husband is in poor health,” said the study’s lead author, James Iveniuk, PhD candidate in the Department of Sociology. “If the wife is in poor health, there doesn’t seem to be any difference in terms of the quality of the marriage for the husband.” Another key difference was in a measure the researchers call positive expressivity which includes things like being gentle, helpful, kind, and understanding. “Wives whose husbands show higher levels of positivity reported less conflict. However, the wives’ positivity had no association with their husbands’ reports of conflict,” Iveniuk said.
Why Men’s Moods Matter
“Men are very often more sensitive than women, despite stereotypes you’ve heard,” says relationship expert April Masini. “It’s a lot easier for men to become depressed or unhappy than women in the same circumstances. Men are sensitive, and when they’re unhappy, the marriage dynamic flags.”
Masini’s experience is validated by the work of long-time relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Gottman discovered some surprising things about men’s emotions and how they impact relationships. Gottman traces men’s greater reactivity to stress in the relationship to our evolutionary past. “Males whose adrenaline kicked in quite readily who did not calm down so easily were more likely to survive and procreate.”
“Men can have a huge impact on the state of their relationship and the key is to deal with the stresses that can overwhelm…
Gottman goes on to say, “to this day, the male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress.” For example, if a man and woman suddenly hear a very loud, brief sound, like a blowout, most likely his heart will beat faster than hers and stay accelerated longer. The same goes for their blood pressure. This helps account for the fact, Gottman believes, that men tend to withdraw and avoid conflict in a relationship. “It’s a biological fact,” says Gottman. “Men are more easily overwhelmed by marital conflict than are their wives.”
Women often complain that men don’t want to talk about difficult issues, that they withdraw when she wants to express herself. This may be true, but not because men aren’t interested in listening or in resolving conflict. It may be because he is more easily overwhelmed by conflict and be becomes “flooded.” Dr. Gottman says, “Frequently feeling flooded leads almost inevitably to distancing yourself from your spouse. That in turn leads you to feel lonely.”
This was certainly the case with Carlin and me. Once we learned to reduce the stress we felt, we could share more openly without criticism or blame.
Men often believe that they can do little to improve their relationship, that relationships are “women’s work.” But it turns out that men can have a huge impact on the state of their relationship and the key is to deal with the stresses that can overwhelm and “flood” them. In my book Stress Relief for Men: How to Use the Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well,I teach men, and the women who love them, how to use four energy healing tools to get their relationship back on track. I’ve used them myself to reclaim the easy love that I thought my wife and I had lost. I’ve taught them to many of my clients.
Men may hold the key to creating a happy marriage and once they learn that they not only have the power to make things better, but the skills to do so effectively, they are ready to act. Men no longer have to feel they are powerless in relationship. In fact, they may find that they can lead the way in making their relationships wonderful.

There is Only One Type of Woman Worth Chasing in This Life

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This is the only type of partner we ought to ever settle down with as it is the only type of relationship that has hope for a better future built into its genetics.
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There are different types of women in the world… just as there are different types of people. Types, of course, being a generalized version of an individual — no one ever fits their parameters entirely.
Types are oversimplified and people are very complex. Nevertheless, it’s generalizations that allow us to understand things and concepts that we otherwise wouldn’t be capable of understanding.
Take, for example, finding your ideal woman — your ideal partner in life. We are all looking for a certain type — our type. Everyone has a type. Some like them taller, others shorter.
Some like simple women, others like accomplished and driven women. As far as types go, people get very creative — and often even weird. But our type is our type, and we want what we want.
What I’m going to tell you is that you can have your “type” as long as it incorporates what I believe to be the only “type” of any value.
Over the past decade or so, I’ve done my fair share of “dating.” I’ve met with a good amount of women; I’ve had conversations with a good amount of women. I’ve taken them for dinners and drinks, and trips, etc.
Even after flying to different countries for women — if I find something that intrigues me, I’m very persistent — I realized that women can, when looking as generally as possible, be placed into two categories. The first, women who suck the drive for life — and everything else of any value — right out of you.
And, more importantly, the second, women who not only make you want a better life, but make you believe that a better life is actually possible.
Every single woman in the world falls into one of these two categories — no exceptions. However, a woman who falls into a certain category for one individual can fall into the other for someone else — our types are personal after all.
Although there may not be a woman who would fall into the better of the categories for every man in the world, there certainly are women who always fall into the blood-sucking category. Just some food for thought.
You’re going to come across many different women in your life and many of them are going to be horrible human beings. It’s sad, but there are many horrible people in this world — men and women alike.
Many of them will be very nice and interesting, of course. And if you’re lucky, a good amount of them will be amazing. Yet, meeting more than one who will make you both strive for that ideal life and make you believe it to be possible is — I wish it were otherwise — highly unlikely.
It should come as no surprise that finding someone who fits your life so perfectly, so perfectly that you start to believe and hunger for that which you used to think impossible, is usually only a once in a lifetime occurrence.
Sure, you may get lucky and find two such women within a single lifetime, but considering that finding one is already statistically against your favor, I very much doubt you’ll come across a second.
This type of woman is incredibly hard to come by because she is not only a woman you fall in love with and love for the right reasons, she also has to be a woman worthy of being loved — and the only type of woman worthy of being loved by a man is the type of woman that makes that man want to be the best possible man he could ever be.
She inspires him to be better, to work both harder and smarter, to be fair, kind and passionate. She inspires him to be the best possible human being he could ever be because he believes that she deserves nothing less.
Such a relationship is the perfect relationship as it creates a self-perpetuating synergy. Just as the woman inspires her man, her man inspires her to be better, do better, live better.
This is the only type of partner we ought to ever settle down with as it is the only type of relationship that has hope for a better future built into its genetics.
Relationships are hard. Life is hard. Sometimes, getting up and doing that which we need to do, is hard. Nothing in life worth a dime is easy — ever. You’re going to get into fights and arguments.
Life is going to throw you curveballs and test your love for each other. Sh*t is going to happen and it is going to not just happen to you or her; it’s going to happen to the two of you.
You have to understand that just as you’ll share your lover’s joys and happiness, you’re also going to share her pains and suffering. What having the right type of woman by your side will give you is the hope that you can fix whatever issues are at hand.
Why? Because the two of you have no problem working towards a shared goal. You’re a team. You managed to shape your lives thus far and believe in each other enough to keep pushing ahead nonetheless.
You have a life partner who won’t give up on you and — most importantly — you have a partner that you will sooner die for than give up on.
Don’t waste time chasing after women who fall short of this category; time is a luxury you don’t want to be frugal with.
There is only one type of woman in this world who is worth chasing and that’s a woman who makes you believe you’re capable of making your own dreams come true.
by Paul Hudson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.

8 Signs You’ve Found The Woman You Should Make Your Wife

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Women – you can’t live with them; you can’t live without them. Although a catchy aphorism, it’s rather useless. If you can’t live with a woman or without her, then you’re basically screwed. Fortunately, it is most definitely possible to form a bond with a lover strong enough to last a lifetime. The real trick is understanding whether or not the woman is – for lack of a better phrase – a keeper. While each man will be attracted to a different sort of woman, there are a couple of signs that you should pay especially close attention to. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe a man should only get married once. Here are a couple of ways of knowing that the woman you’ve found may very well be the last woman you’ll ever need: You trust her. Although a given, trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship. What’s most important to keep in mind is how fragile the trust between two individuals is – especially between two individuals who are intimately involved with each other. When one person breaks the other’s trust, it causes pain. The more someone trusts the person – the more he or she cares – and the more it will hurt once that trust is broken. Such pain leaves gaping scars that can take eternity to heal. If you found a woman whom you trust entirely and, more importantly, a woman with whom you can’t imagine breaking that trust, then you may have found the one.
She’s a positive force in your life rather than a negative influence.
This is something that I am nearly embarrassed to say took me a long time to comprehend. Truth be told, I only came to understand it recently. When you’re in love, it can be difficult to understand exactly how an individual impacts your life.
Because love is as blinding and distracting as it is, realizing the negative impact a person has on you can be almost impossible.
There are people in your life who will support you, criticize you constructively, and help you learn. Then there are those who will point out flaws with such a negative tone that it’s perfectly evident that their only wish is to hurt you.
If your woman is the latter, then break away as soon as you can; the relationship will only bring you pain and misery.
She believes in you, motivating you to believe in yourself.
Let’s say that we are lucky enough to live to 80. That’s roughly 29,000 days… 29,000 days that you should get up and push ahead in life with full force. Finding a way to motivate yourself day in and day out can be a daunting task – if not impossible altogether.
However, finding the right woman to help motivate you can make the difference between the realization of your dreams and continuous failure. The ideal woman is a woman who motivates you both actively and passively to be, and to do, better.
One of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon a man is a reason to be a better man.
Your life is much better with her than it is without her.
Emotions aside, the woman you ought to marry is the woman who adds to your life and doesn’t simply take away from it. Again, this can be a difficult differentiation to make, but it is one of dire importance.
Your emotions can lead you to believe that you need a woman that, in reality, you would be better without. You need to take a step back and decide whether your life is better or worse with her as a part of it.
She never makes excuses when you need her.
Dependability, although often incorporated with trust, is a beast of its own.
Is your woman the kind of woman whom you can depend on? Will she be there for you not only when you are at your best, but likewise when you’re at your worst?
Will she stay by your side or will her love waver the minute the waters turn rough? Some women are more interested in what you can do for them than what you mean to them.
The sex is really, really good.
There is a certain level of physical chemistry that I believe necessary for a marriage to work. This is one reason I could never understand remaining celibate until after the wedding day – if the sex is really bad then you’re going to have a difficult time being happy within the partnership.
Some people say that they don’t care much for sex… I’d say that this is because they’ve never had mind-blowing sex before. Although you may be able to get away with ignorance as bliss, why settle for less?
You both want the same things in life.
This is yet another crucial aspect of relationships that many overlook until it’s too late. It’s easy to love a woman when you don’t fully understand her – and to understand her, you have to understand exactly what it is that she wants out of life.
What does she want to do? Experience? Accomplish? What are her goals? Her dreams? Her wants? Her passions?
Too often we don’t realize that, although theoretically we may be compatible as individuals, our ideal lifestyles aren’t compatible. It’s difficult to spend your life with someone when the paths you need to take separate.
You love each other deeply. Before you go ahead and say, “Yes, of course we do!,” make sure that you understand what loving deeply means. To love deeply is to love twofold – it’s to love romantically and to love in the form of agape. To truly love each other is to love not only who the person is as an individual, but also to love what that person means to you. You have to love the person for who that person is as well as what that person does for you. The common definition of love, to love unconditionally, is wrong. We all love conditionally whether we like to admit it or not. The deepest love is a love that can combine both unconditional and conditional love to form a bond that cannot be broken by outside force – a mutual love that can last the test of time.

Originally appeared at Elite Daily –

Society Tells Us A Relationship………..

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love
I have a hard time dealing with what society tells us is the correct way to deal women or contradicts what I was taught about dealing with women.  I have been taught to treat a lady as such, a lady; she is beautiful and delicate like a flower and you should respect her.  There are certain things that you do for a lady, as a man: open doors, compliment her dress, hold her hand, and consider her feelings because, as a man, your feelings are not as sensitive. 

Now society contradicts everything that I have been learning my entire life.  Society says  a man and woman can do the same thing, and I am supposed to look at my lady as an equal in that capacity.  I’m sorry, we are not the same.  I am not shaking your hand like you are a man.  I am not going to talk to you like I talk to a man.  I am not going to fight you like a man.  So I will never look at a lady like a man. 

The thing that kills me is that I try to do like society says and treat women like I would treat a man..  However, this is very confusing to me because when we have a situation or disagreement, now I have to handle that situation as a man and consider your feelings and possible reactions as a woman?  I do not get it, you want to be like me but now you want to be a woman when it benefits you and I should know better and do better, which one is it?  If you want equal opportunity in the relationship that means you wants it at all times and not when you feel it benefits you. The only thing that I can do personally is be what I was taught.  I feel that I cannot go wrong in that situation.  I will always treat a woman like she is a woman.  Unless you are signing my checks or doing business with me, I will treat you like a woman.  I cannot treat you like society says I should.  If you want to be treated like a Queen then you have to let me look at you like that.  Trust me I will be the King in all situations. 

To all my fellas, I was taught that your lady is a reflection of you.  If want your relationship to go a certain way, you have to lead it into that direction.  If she does not follow you, then she is not the one for you. 

Remember to Keep It GC,

Adrian “GC Smooth” Taylor

All Women Must Read

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loveMost would say that all men want is sex, money, and power and not in any particular order. Thinking about it, this could possibly be a correct statement. All jokes aside I think women will find it interesting what men really want out of life especially out of a relationship underneath the surface. If a man is not ready he really only wants the things I mention in the beginning. I have compiled a list of what I think men want and some tips. Let the debating begin!!!!!!

Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women. Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

My experience is that women think men don’t want women to need them. That is far from the truth. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
Men want a manipulation-free relationship. Men want no manipulation of any kind. I repeat man want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to be mind readers or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism or problems that they see in the relationship.

A tip for women
Men will not accept manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Just because it makes sense to you does not to mean it makes sense to him. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise. You can get what you want out of a man it is learning how to communicate with him.
Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership. Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
Men want women who know how men need to be treated. Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, and their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
Men do you think this is accurate? Women do you honestly believe in your heart this is what men want? How can men better show you what it is that he wants? What are the differences in a woman’s eyes between healthy disagreements and just terrible all out communication?

Also Ladies don’t worry we will educate the men on what women really want. We know that we have to do better.

Mr. GC

Is it Really That Simple?

Growth, , , ,

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Today’s relationships are harder than they’ve ever been. Everything is so readily available and no one wants to give in a relationship. We want instant gratification and if it is not there when we want it, we are ready to move on. We always tend to look at the media or books that show us someone else’s relationship. We tend to, whether publicly or secretly, want what others have. Just because one couple works does not mean that if you had that person it would work. Trust me everyone has their faults, but can you deal with what faults they bring to the table? Compatibility is real. A relationship is hard work on both parts. You have to be able to listen to each other and respect each other.

Sometimes you have to look inside yourself and ask yourself “Where am I going wrong in this process?” Some people have the same issues over and over and over. At some point, you have to do some soul searching, on your own; meaning without someone else’s input on what you should be doing with your love life. Here are a couple questions that can help you; what is there about me that attracts the same people? Why do I get to a certain point in my relationship and it never seems to go to the next step? Do I love myself? Do I respect myself? Am I willing to receive love?

I think that once you can honestly answer these questions, you can move on to the process of finding someone that works with you. You see, how I said “with you” and not “for you”; because they have to be willing to understand what you need in a relationship. If they do not understand or maybe if they feel your demands are too much, then nothing is going to change that, you will continue to have problems. I have come to the understanding that there is one thing that all happy and successful couples can say, and that is they felt the other person in the relationship cared for their feelings as much or even more than their own, and hey, maybe it is that simple!

Remember to Keep It GC,
Adrian “GC Smooth” Taylor

A Hindsight Perspective

Growth, , , ,

Mind travelin’, wrapped in my memories
Love… you started off as a friend to me
Curiosity killed my innocence with endless possibilities
Happily married with children now
God blessed a brotha with a Queen
Till death do us part so going through i wouldn’t change a thing
Love I’m just sittin’ here thinkin’ about what we used to be, ha…
Flashing back brings a smile to my face…
Of memories that can’t be replaced nor do I want to erase, ha…
Including the mistakes… it’s inevitable
The ebbs and flows of love and hate
What we thought was real
Turned out to be food without soul
A cold dinner plate
A pileup on the interstate
Our clash only proved that real love lust cannot duplicate
Genuine actions with pseudo feelings caused us to hesitate
Words we said we thought we meant, can’t take ’em back
Like a child learning to walk, fear and doubt set in
Those steps we weren’t ready to take, so we separate
On the simplest of things we struggle to concentrate
Thinking we’re the only one going through
When folks around the globe can relate
Going through heartbreak
Is the curriculum for love life chooses to educate
The high we felt is how life demonstrates
Our insecure-and-vulnerabilities
From loneliness the high is an escape
A heart takes a beating and needs to be seasoned
Tried and tested before it finds a happy place
That could mean it has to wait on the perfect mate
Going through the same process before it can save the date
And walk down the isle to mama’s baby
Or take the hand of daddy’s precious child
Swear and recite some vows
Some meet the one early, others it takes a while
Some get it right the first time, others go through trials
Some cherish what they have
Others get a new every two like a mo-bile
Device and roll the dice, banking they can get it right
When they get older and settle down
Some are swept, caught off guard
Some are scarred, forever wild
Some like to get around
Others don’t play that like homie the clown
Love we go back like polaroids
We’re tight like daps and pounds
But you also had a brotha runnin’ on fumes
Chasing you all over town
Gave me the bidness like a toon
With rain from a personal cloud
Had to learn the hard way never to assume
You had me out of character
In costumes with a mask like MF Doom
Love aka the elephant in the room
From the birds and bees to the tomb
Through our struggles as caterpillars
Dumbo through our flights
When we break out of our cocoons
Love hurts and soothes
Love plays by and breaks the rules
Love is a sad song, the perfect tune
Love breaks us down
And lifts our colors up when we have the blues
It’s not impossible
For a heart to go through life without a bruise
But love is a difficult language
Even with experience, it’s hard to recognize all the clues
Darian—-

Would You Rather Have a Clean House or a Night of Great Sex?

Confessions,

By Dr. Laura Berman

A neat house shouldn’t be more important than connecting with your spouse.

A recent study performed in the United Kingdom found that more than one-third of people said they would rather have a clean house than have sex with their spouse. They also rated a clean house above a fun night out and also above a vacation.

Have we become too obsessed with having a clean house, and why does a sparkling kitchen floor supersede our desire to have sex?

Sadly, I think it’s a sentiment that is familiar to many people there, especially people who have been together for long time. When the butterflies and the honeymoon passion fades away, it can be easy for couples to start thinking of another as roommates rather than sex partners. Instead of coming home and thinking about how you want to rip off your partner’s clothes, you come home and moan that the dishwasher hasn’t been unloaded or that there are bagel crumbs under the toaster.

To make matters worse, the pressure to tidy up is tenfold for women. Numerous studies have found that women still take on the bulk of housework and childcare even when they work full-time jobs outside the home. The recent U.K.study found that women report doing 6 hours more housework a week than their partners. That all adds up to plenty of stress and energy spent on the home rather than on sexual pleasure.

There’s a wise saying that goes “Energy goes where attention flows.” In other words, our lives and our external efforts tend to reflect our inner landscape. If your mind is a frenetic to-do list (clean the stove, empty the dishwasher, make the kids’ beds, call the vacuum repair place, etc.), then your life is going to reflect this same chaos. It’s also going to reflect where your attention truly is—that is, your carpet rather than your marriage or your housework rather than your sexual pleasure.

Now imagine if you did just the opposite. What if, for one week, you refused to stress over little things like crumbs on the counter or dog hair on the couch? What if, for one week, you focused that internal energy onto activities that fulfilled you and enriched you? Instead of reaching for the vacuum, you’d reach for your partner. Instead of spending Friday night sorting the laundry, you’d spend it at a romantic dinner with your spouse.

I know what you’re thinking. It sounds great…but what about my messy house? First of all, it’s important to ask yourself what bothers you about your house. Is it really dirty or is it more that you wish your life could be organized and streamlined like the homes you see in magazines or on television? Chances are that your house isn’t actually a dirty or unsanitary place to live—it’s just that you wish it looked more picture-perfect and that the kids and the pets weren’t always getting into anything. It might be time to accept that your home is never going to look like the cover of a magazine. Instead, it might be a house that’s a little cluttered and messy but a house that is filled with love, passion, and life.

Lastly, there is one surefire way to make your home cleaner, your life less stressed, and your sex more passionate…if you both pitch in to help keep the house tidy. Household chores are not a woman’s job, regardless of if she works outside the home or not. It is everyone’s job to keep their home clean, and that includes Mom, Dad, and the kids as well. When you make a home egalitarian and you ensure that everyone is pulling their weight, the job becomes much easier and everyone feels much more relaxed and appreciated.

My advice? Never put a clean home before a night of great sex, but find a healthy balance and make both happen by working as a team.

I’m 124 Sandwich From An Engagement Ring

Relationships, , , , ,

By Stephanie Smith
Since last June, a young woman has attracted attention from culinary world icons such as Emeril Lagasse, Michael White and Ken Friedman with 300sandwiches.com, a beautifully photographed blog that documents her quest to woo her boyfriend with bread-and-meat creations. We now reveal that the woman behind the blog is our very own Page Six senior reporter, STEPHANIE SMITH. Here, she tells her story — and shares some recipes.
My boyfriend, Eric, is the gourmet cook in our relationship, but he’d always want me to make him a sandwich.
Each morning, he would ask, “Honey, how long you have been awake?”
“About 15 minutes,” I’d reply.
“You’ve been up for 15 minutes and you haven’t made me a sandwich?”
To him, sandwiches are like kisses or hugs. Or sex. “Sandwiches are love,” he says. “Especially when you make them. You can’t get a sandwich with love from the deli.”
One lazy summer afternoon just over a year ago, I finally gave in. I assembled turkey and Swiss on toasted wheat bread. I spread Dijon mustard generously on both bread slices, and I made sure the lettuce was perfectly in line with the neatly stacked turkey slices.
Eric devoured the sandwich as if it were a five-star meal, diving in with large, eager bites. “Babes, this is delicious!” he exclaimed.
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Stephanie with her boyfriend, Eric Schulte.
As he finished that last bite, he made an unexpected declaration of how much he loved me and that sandwich: “Honey, you’re 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring!”
I paused.
Was our happily ever after as simple as making him a few sandwiches?
Our relationship has always centered on food. We met at a restaurant in Chelsea two years ago when a friend I was dining with spotted an Alexander Skarsgård look-alike. An introduction was made, and I found out he’s a computer programmer, a Taurus (or as he says, “What’s that sign for people who don’t believe in astrology?”), obsessed with “Star Wars” and a very good cook.
On our second date, he cooked me dinner — tuna tartare and fresh scallops on a tomato compote. More delicious meals, nearly all of them cooked by him, followed, and soon we were dating seriously. The fact that he could make a perfect filet mignon, not just order one in a steakhouse, was a big turn-on.
A year ago, we moved in together to a sleek place in Brooklyn. We’ve met each other’s parents, traveled internationally without strangling each other and successfully hosted many a dinner party.

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Things were moving at a natural pace, but I wondered what it would take for him to propose. I’m in my mid-30s, and my parents have been happily married for more than 35 years. I have always valued the commitment and dedication it takes to get married and stay married. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d like to raise a family with someone who feels likewise.
Maybe I needed to show him I could cook to prove that I am wife material. If he wanted 300 sandwiches, I’d give him 300 sandwiches — and I’d blog about it.
I bought the 300sandwiches.com domain name and a Nikon DSLR. I perused tons of recipe sites and cookbooks for sandwich ideas. I asked friends for suggestions, but some, especially my single friends, were less than supportive of the idea.
“How ‘Stepford Wives’ of you!” said one single gal whose kitchen was used for shoe storage.
Another, a hard-working C-suite banking executive, also objected. “It’s not 1950!” she exclaimed. “It’s chauvinistic! He’s saying, ‘Cook for me, woman, and maybe I’ll make you my wife.’”
My own mother was doubtful. “Honey, can you even cook?” she asked.
“No, but I’ll learn!” I argued.
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The “Substitute for Tomatoes” Turkey Pear Club Sandwich.
I started with the easy things. My second sandwich after the turkey and Swiss was a two-second ice-cream sandwich constructed from Anna’s ginger thin cookies and blackberry currant ice cream. My early thinking was quantity, not quality.
Ten sandwiches or so in, I did the math. Three sandwiches a week, times four weeks a month, times 12 months a year, meant I wouldn’t be done until I was deep into my 30s. How would I finish 300 sandwiches in time for us to get engaged, married and have babies before I exited my childbearing years?
My mother was the voice of reason. “Relationships are a marathon, not a sprint,” she said. “Take it one sandwich at a time.”
I made sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. I made sandwiches to get myself out of the doghouse — like No. 67, a scrambled egg, smoked salmon and chive creation that combined some of Eric’s favorite things to make up for my being 45 minutes late for dinner the night before.
Even after covering movie premieres or concerts for Page Six, I found myself stumbling into the kitchen to make Eric a sandwich while I still had on my high heels and party dress.
Making all of these sammies, I’ve learned how much Eric loves sharing cooking with me. He enjoys going to the grocery store with me, picking out ingredients and planning dinners. Though I still want to get engaged and get married and live happily ever after, I’ve also put less pressure on the race to the 300th sandwich and I’m enjoying the cooking experience with Eric.
Today, I’ve made and blogged about 176 sandwiches. Over the months, my creations have grown more complex — lobster rolls, bánh mìs, pulled pork. No matter what’s on the menu, Eric smiles and says thank you. He’s just happy I cook for him at all.
“You women read all these magazines to get advice on how to keep a man, and it’s so easy,” he says. “We’re not complex. Just do something nice for us. Like make a sandwich.”