Tag Archives: love

To All The Heartbroken Men Who Act Tough On The Outside: Don’t Give Up Hope

ADZI’m just going to go ahead and call out all you men out there. Yes, even you there, stud muffin, with your sweat-drenched, muscle-pumping, 5 o’clock shadow self. You, much like women, are either currently heartbroken or have been heartbroken by some audacious woman whom you thought was “the one.”

You can act tough, but I know that deep down, you are as soft as a teddy bear. Chances are, you have gone through the coulda, shoulda, woulda list. Sadly, you’ve been left with unanswered and empty questions.

Meanwhile, you are wondering how in the eff you’re going to get over this not-so-clever broad and if you’ll ever be able to move on.

So, in an attempt to help, here is an open letter to all those tough-on-the-outside, but soft-souled men: You’re going to be alright.


Dear Handsome,

I realize that at this current moment in time, you are hurting. You are examining every inch of your life and asking yourself how this happened and why.

While I don’t have the answers for you, and I probably never will, I can tell you that someone out there is waiting to love you with all her heart. She is wondering what it would be like to love someone as special as you, and to know what it feels like to be with someone she truly connects with.

I know you don’t see it now, and it will take some time, but this is for the better. It’s a growing point in your life; some things aren’t meant to last forever and they fall apart so better things can fall together.

I can tell you that whoever broke your heart didn’t realize how good she had it. Truth be told, she didn’t deserve to have you in the first place.

This person has conditioned you to work on yourself, and to help you become an even better man than you already are. You will be someone else’s dream come true. There’s someone in this world who looks at you and her heart beams. She smiles without even knowing it.

You are always on her mind, and you’re the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up. She ask herself how she went this long without knowing someone as awesome as you. That’s something to look forward to during this process.

When you’ve been damaged, the last thing on your mind is someone new. You grasp onto old memories, and just keeping asking, why? What did you do so wrong? Were you not enough? Did you not give enough attention? Did you not love her hard enough? Is there something wrong with you?

I only ask two simple things of you: Stop asking why and please don’t blame yourself. Insecurities can truly ruin any relationship, and nine times out of 10, it has nothing to do with you.

It hurts as if your heart has been stabbed with a million burning knives. You’re probably thinking you can’t move on from this, but I am here to tell you that you can and you will. Whether it’s centerstage or behind the curtain, someone cares and will be there for whatever you need.

You probably barely know or might not even know the person who is smiling at the thought of you right now.

When the timing is right, and the stars align in the night sky, it will all work out. Healing is a process, and it takes however long your heart needs.

Wake up each day thinking, “I can and will get through this,” and I promise that you will. Keep your beautiful face held high, smile and know that your future is waiting for you.

Take each day in stride, and whatever you do, please don’t shut down. You will close yourself off to a love that is waiting for you. Whether you see it or not, you are an incredible individual with so much potential to make someone happier than she ever imagined possible.

We have all been broken before, and it’s up to us to rebuild and move forward. It’s not the end; just think of how much better your next relationship will be. Forgive her, forgive yourself, make new friends, build bonds with new people and remember to smile.

To the woman who destroyed your amazing heart, thank you. Thank you for letting this incredible man go, and giving someone else the opportunity to love and cherish him the way he deserves. Thank you for quitting and allowing someone new to heal and mend his heart.

True love doesn’t quit, and you closed the door. No judgment, just a huge thank you. You are helping someone else’s future of pure bliss and happiness come to fruition.

Keep your head up, handsome. She is out there and waiting patiently for when the time is right.

Sincerely, Your Friend 

Originally appeared at Elite Daily

 

15 Honest Questions the Person You Marry Should Be Able To Answer

loveMarriage really is a beautiful thing. I used to think it was a bit pointless, just a piece of paper that allows you an extra tax cut. However, the more I thought about it, the more I learned to appreciate what marriage could be.

Marriage gets a bad rap because most people are really bad at it. It’s not marriage’s fault. It’s the couples’ fault for being neither mature enough nor smart enough to manage.

I used to believe people couldn’t possibly promise to love someone else in 10, 20 years when neither their partners nor they will be the same people they are now. But that’s the point. We know that the future is filled with uncertainty.

Regardless, we still want that promise because it gives us courage to give ourselves to another without reservations.

You may not be able to keep that promise, but you can keep the promise to do your best to be an amazing life partner. That’s all anyone can really ask for. If you’re thinking about tying the knot then be sure that your future life partner to-be can honestly answer these questions to your liking:

1. Why do you love me?

People seem to feel this is a question that doesn’t especially need answering. Most will say we love others simply because we love them — a horrible answer. All people need to know exactly why it is that they love the people they love.

Loving someone is a very selfish act, and it’s okay. You love the person you love for what that person does for you and how he or she makes you feel.

We may all have slightly different answers as to why we love someone, but if we aren’t able to exactly define the parameters of our love, then we’re likely to struggle later on once the initial intensity dies down. If your partner can’t answer why he or she loves you now, then imagine the inevitable uncertainty down the road.


2. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?

“Because I love you” is not a good answer. Life is a journey — one that is best not traveled entirely alone. However, not everyone has the same destination in mind. Wanting to take different pit stops along the route is one thing. Wanting different things out of life is another entirely.

Your partner should be able to tell you what life experiences he or she hopes to share with you. It’s these little goals you set for yourselves that make your life special.


3. Will you do your best to keep the romance alive?

Keeping the romance alive is not an easy task. Yes, it’s all mental, but keeping interest for such a long time is difficult. It takes a lot of work and creativity. It takes the other person regularly trying to please and impress you, which in itself becomes increasingly difficult with each new year.

Romantic love cannot survive on its own; both of you are going to have to maintain it constantly. Is your partner willing to keep the romance as one of his or her main priorities?


4. Will you grow with me, and not away from me?

We may not know exactly where our lives will take us and what we will learn — who we will become — along the way, but we can make a conscious effort to grow closer together and not apart.

Most people grow apart over the years because they feel like they’ve accomplished everything in their relationships that needs accomplishing.

This is one main reason marriages end up being so horrible — people think that there is no greater peak to climb than the one their relationship is already resting on. Marriage shouldn’t be the end, it should be the beginning.


5. Will you stick through the rough times?

The good times are a piece of cake. The difficult times, however, will destroy your relationship if you allow them to. There comes a point in every relationship when you have to make a decision. It’s a decision that, if made, is only made once.  You will reach a point where you will either decide you are going to be there for this person for the rest of his or her life, or not.

If you decide you’re going to stick with this person then you can’t allow any tragedy or outside force to shake that decision. This is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives — or, as it often turns out, fail to make decisively. Has your lover made the decision? Have you?


6. Are you willing to lose some battles in order to keep the peace?

The key to a successful marriage is taming your ego. No matter how competitive we are, sometimes you just need to pick your battles. Sometimes the arguments and the stress just aren’t worth it.

What you need to understand is that 99 percent of arguments aren’t arguments over fact, but rather over opinion. An opinion is neither right nor wrong. Sometimes you just have to let things be.


7. Can you promise to put us ahead of everything else?

Life has a lot to offer. And if you’re anything like me, you have a very large appetite. We want everything life has to offer, and then some. The problem is we don’t have enough time to have it all; our lives are too short. We can only pick a few things we consider important and do our best to flourish in those areas.

The beauty of marriage is that it can be used as a base to build the rest of your life on. Your partner should be just that: your partner. Your relationship is the most important thing in your life because it’s what makes the rest of your life possible.


8. Will you be a great parent?

Again, how could anyone know he or she will be a great parent? Easy. You just decide you’re going to be. That’s it. No tricks. No gimmicks. Just a decision and then action.

Some things don’t need too much thinking involved. You’re going to be great because you decided you will be. Will your lover do the same and be a great role model for your children?


9. Will you be sure to remind me how much you love me regularly?

People not only want, but need to hear it. We need to be reminded you love us because we know that love doesn’t always last forever. We want to hear the words and then have that reassurement reinforced with actions showing how much you love us.

It really is enough just to love us, but understand you need to love us the way we need to be loved — just like we need to love you the way you need to be loved in order for you to be happy.


10. Can you promise to do all you can to keep that spark alive?

Sparks don’t spark on their own. Think about how a lighter works. You have a spark that lights the fuel, which creates a flame. But how does that spark, spark? You have to create a force that will result in the energy creating a spark.

Just the same, you can’t expect sparks to keep flying if you’re not trying. If you want to have a happy and healthy marriage, then you need to find someone willing to devote the necessary energy.


11. Will you support me if I can’t support myself?

Not just financially, but mentally. Maybe even physically if necessary. No one knows what life holds. The unexpected happens, often leaving us weak, hurt or even permanently damaged. Will your partner carry you when you can’t walk?

Will your partner support you when you’re weak at the knees? Will your partner carry the family you’ve created until you regain your strength? Is your partner capable of mustering the strength to fight battles for the both of you?


12. Will you promise to continue to pursue your personal goals and dreams?

Marriage is not entirely the end of the person you were and the start of a new you. Sure, being in a serious relationship does require a person to change in many ways.

Yet, there’s a part of us we can never, under any circumstance, let go of. The dreams, wants and hopes we have — our personal goals — must stay alive.

When we lose them, we lose ourselves and inevitably lose the person we love. Marriage isn’t just an “us.” It’s also a you and him/her. You have to juggle being the person you have always been with being a part of a larger whole. It’s not easy. But it is necessary.


13. Will you not allow yourself to let go?

Will your partner take care of him or herself by eating healthy and exercising? Will your partner get regular checkups and take vitamins? This may sound silly, but I’ve seen what letting yourself go can do to a marriage.

Moreover, I’ve seen how not maintaining your health can make the lives of those closest to you incredibly difficult.

Yes, your family should take care of you when you need to be taken care of — but it’s your responsibility first and foremost to take care of yourself. No people should become a burden to those they love.


14. If I’m the first to go, will you be there with me until the end?

Will your partner hold your hand when you’re too weak to hold it back? Will your partner kiss your forehead and tell you he or she loves you, that you made life worth living? That, because of you, life made sense? Will your partner be there for your last breath, when you find yourself pressed betwixt fear and content?

No one should leave this world alone. It’s said that we leave it the way we come into it, but even when we come into it, there’s someone there to hold us. I understand most people don’t like to think about death, but seeing as it’s an inevitability, it’s better to plan ahead.


15. Can you promise me that if my time is cut short, you’ll continue to live on for the both of us?

You love this person. You want him or her to be happy regardless of whether he or she is with you or without you. If death collects you ahead of schedule, you’ll want to know during those last few seconds that the person you love will continue to live life to the fullest.

That your partner will continue to do great things, continue to be happy, and — if you have children — continue to love your children and guide them through life.

The death of a loved one can ruin you. It can break you in ways that make full-recovery impossible. Can your partner promise you to find the strength and courage to press forward?

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I’d want for the woman I love is for my departure to be her downfall. If my being in her life or leaving her life will in anyway destroy hers, then I clearly made a mistake by allowing myself into her life.

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This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.

by Paul Hudson

– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/kt-15-honest-questions-the-person-you-marry-should-be-able-to-answer/#sthash.ltAcYP8o.dpuf

Men May Have the Key to a Happy Marriage

Dr. Jed Diamond believes that men can and should become leaders in maintaining long-lasting relationships, and he’s got the science to back him up.

As a psychotherapist I have been helping people find, keep, and develop healthy loving relationships for more than 40 years now. Carlin and I have been married (third marriage for each of us) for 34 years. I had hoped being a therapist would protect our relationship from the problems so many of my clients face, but it didn’t. We’ve had to deal with irritability and anger, male menopause, depression, bipolar disorder, boredom, and beady-eyed fights.
“Falling in love and being loved in return is the peak experience of human existence…”
Like most couples, Carlin and I were joyfully and passionately “in love,” but it didn’t last. Over the years, the little irritations of life began to grind away at us. We missed what we once had, but didn’t know how to recapture it. Maybe staying in love was an illusion, we thought. Perhaps George Bernard Shaw was right when observed in 1908, “When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”
If we look at the statistics, the odds of “living happily ever after” are against us. Around 50% of first marriages end in divorce and second and third marriages fare even worse. But we learned that science offers a new perspective on love and how it can last. “Falling in love and being loved in return is the peak experience of human existence,” says Dr. Fran Cohen, author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship. “When love fades, we can quite literally use our brains to bring it back.”
Two experts who have helped us reclaim our loving relationship are John Gottman, who recently wrote another helpful book, What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal and Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense: A Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. If you’re serious about learning to love, you couldn’t find better guides than these.
We’ve long believed that how women feel determines the state of the marriage–“Happy wife, happy life.” But new research from the University of Chicago indicates that men may hold the key to the emotional state of the relationship. The study, “Marital Conflict in Older Couples: Positivity, Personality, and Health,”reports results from a national survey with data analyzed from 953 heterosexual couples who were married or cohabitating. The study participants ranged in age from 63 to 90 years old and the average length of their relationships was 39 years.
“Wives report more conflict if their husband is in poor health,” said the study’s lead author, James Iveniuk, PhD candidate in the Department of Sociology. “If the wife is in poor health, there doesn’t seem to be any difference in terms of the quality of the marriage for the husband.” Another key difference was in a measure the researchers call positive expressivity which includes things like being gentle, helpful, kind, and understanding. “Wives whose husbands show higher levels of positivity reported less conflict. However, the wives’ positivity had no association with their husbands’ reports of conflict,” Iveniuk said.
Why Men’s Moods Matter
“Men are very often more sensitive than women, despite stereotypes you’ve heard,” says relationship expert April Masini. “It’s a lot easier for men to become depressed or unhappy than women in the same circumstances. Men are sensitive, and when they’re unhappy, the marriage dynamic flags.”
Masini’s experience is validated by the work of long-time relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Gottman discovered some surprising things about men’s emotions and how they impact relationships. Gottman traces men’s greater reactivity to stress in the relationship to our evolutionary past. “Males whose adrenaline kicked in quite readily who did not calm down so easily were more likely to survive and procreate.”
“Men can have a huge impact on the state of their relationship and the key is to deal with the stresses that can overwhelm…
Gottman goes on to say, “to this day, the male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress.” For example, if a man and woman suddenly hear a very loud, brief sound, like a blowout, most likely his heart will beat faster than hers and stay accelerated longer. The same goes for their blood pressure. This helps account for the fact, Gottman believes, that men tend to withdraw and avoid conflict in a relationship. “It’s a biological fact,” says Gottman. “Men are more easily overwhelmed by marital conflict than are their wives.”
Women often complain that men don’t want to talk about difficult issues, that they withdraw when she wants to express herself. This may be true, but not because men aren’t interested in listening or in resolving conflict. It may be because he is more easily overwhelmed by conflict and be becomes “flooded.” Dr. Gottman says, “Frequently feeling flooded leads almost inevitably to distancing yourself from your spouse. That in turn leads you to feel lonely.”
This was certainly the case with Carlin and me. Once we learned to reduce the stress we felt, we could share more openly without criticism or blame.
Men often believe that they can do little to improve their relationship, that relationships are “women’s work.” But it turns out that men can have a huge impact on the state of their relationship and the key is to deal with the stresses that can overwhelm and “flood” them. In my book Stress Relief for Men: How to Use the Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well,I teach men, and the women who love them, how to use four energy healing tools to get their relationship back on track. I’ve used them myself to reclaim the easy love that I thought my wife and I had lost. I’ve taught them to many of my clients.
Men may hold the key to creating a happy marriage and once they learn that they not only have the power to make things better, but the skills to do so effectively, they are ready to act. Men no longer have to feel they are powerless in relationship. In fact, they may find that they can lead the way in making their relationships wonderful.

There is Only One Type of Woman Worth Chasing in This Life

This is the only type of partner we ought to ever settle down with as it is the only type of relationship that has hope for a better future built into its genetics.

There are different types of women in the world… just as there are different types of people. Types, of course, being a generalized version of an individual — no one ever fits their parameters entirely.
Types are oversimplified and people are very complex. Nevertheless, it’s generalizations that allow us to understand things and concepts that we otherwise wouldn’t be capable of understanding.
Take, for example, finding your ideal woman — your ideal partner in life. We are all looking for a certain type — our type. Everyone has a type. Some like them taller, others shorter.
Some like simple women, others like accomplished and driven women. As far as types go, people get very creative — and often even weird. But our type is our type, and we want what we want.
What I’m going to tell you is that you can have your “type” as long as it incorporates what I believe to be the only “type” of any value.
Over the past decade or so, I’ve done my fair share of “dating.” I’ve met with a good amount of women; I’ve had conversations with a good amount of women. I’ve taken them for dinners and drinks, and trips, etc.
Even after flying to different countries for women — if I find something that intrigues me, I’m very persistent — I realized that women can, when looking as generally as possible, be placed into two categories. The first, women who suck the drive for life — and everything else of any value — right out of you.
And, more importantly, the second, women who not only make you want a better life, but make you believe that a better life is actually possible.
Every single woman in the world falls into one of these two categories — no exceptions. However, a woman who falls into a certain category for one individual can fall into the other for someone else — our types are personal after all.
Although there may not be a woman who would fall into the better of the categories for every man in the world, there certainly are women who always fall into the blood-sucking category. Just some food for thought.
You’re going to come across many different women in your life and many of them are going to be horrible human beings. It’s sad, but there are many horrible people in this world — men and women alike.
Many of them will be very nice and interesting, of course. And if you’re lucky, a good amount of them will be amazing. Yet, meeting more than one who will make you both strive for that ideal life and make you believe it to be possible is — I wish it were otherwise — highly unlikely.
It should come as no surprise that finding someone who fits your life so perfectly, so perfectly that you start to believe and hunger for that which you used to think impossible, is usually only a once in a lifetime occurrence.
Sure, you may get lucky and find two such women within a single lifetime, but considering that finding one is already statistically against your favor, I very much doubt you’ll come across a second.
This type of woman is incredibly hard to come by because she is not only a woman you fall in love with and love for the right reasons, she also has to be a woman worthy of being loved — and the only type of woman worthy of being loved by a man is the type of woman that makes that man want to be the best possible man he could ever be.
She inspires him to be better, to work both harder and smarter, to be fair, kind and passionate. She inspires him to be the best possible human being he could ever be because he believes that she deserves nothing less.
Such a relationship is the perfect relationship as it creates a self-perpetuating synergy. Just as the woman inspires her man, her man inspires her to be better, do better, live better.
This is the only type of partner we ought to ever settle down with as it is the only type of relationship that has hope for a better future built into its genetics.
Relationships are hard. Life is hard. Sometimes, getting up and doing that which we need to do, is hard. Nothing in life worth a dime is easy — ever. You’re going to get into fights and arguments.
Life is going to throw you curveballs and test your love for each other. Sh*t is going to happen and it is going to not just happen to you or her; it’s going to happen to the two of you.
You have to understand that just as you’ll share your lover’s joys and happiness, you’re also going to share her pains and suffering. What having the right type of woman by your side will give you is the hope that you can fix whatever issues are at hand.
Why? Because the two of you have no problem working towards a shared goal. You’re a team. You managed to shape your lives thus far and believe in each other enough to keep pushing ahead nonetheless.
You have a life partner who won’t give up on you and — most importantly — you have a partner that you will sooner die for than give up on.
Don’t waste time chasing after women who fall short of this category; time is a luxury you don’t want to be frugal with.
There is only one type of woman in this world who is worth chasing and that’s a woman who makes you believe you’re capable of making your own dreams come true.
by Paul Hudson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.

A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.

8 Signs You’ve Found The Woman You Should Make Your Wife

Women – you can’t live with them; you can’t live without them. Although a catchy aphorism, it’s rather useless. If you can’t live with a woman or without her, then you’re basically screwed. Fortunately, it is most definitely possible to form a bond with a lover strong enough to last a lifetime. The real trick is understanding whether or not the woman is – for lack of a better phrase – a keeper. While each man will be attracted to a different sort of woman, there are a couple of signs that you should pay especially close attention to. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe a man should only get married once. Here are a couple of ways of knowing that the woman you’ve found may very well be the last woman you’ll ever need: You trust her. Although a given, trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship. What’s most important to keep in mind is how fragile the trust between two individuals is – especially between two individuals who are intimately involved with each other. When one person breaks the other’s trust, it causes pain. The more someone trusts the person – the more he or she cares – and the more it will hurt once that trust is broken. Such pain leaves gaping scars that can take eternity to heal. If you found a woman whom you trust entirely and, more importantly, a woman with whom you can’t imagine breaking that trust, then you may have found the one.
She’s a positive force in your life rather than a negative influence.
This is something that I am nearly embarrassed to say took me a long time to comprehend. Truth be told, I only came to understand it recently. When you’re in love, it can be difficult to understand exactly how an individual impacts your life.
Because love is as blinding and distracting as it is, realizing the negative impact a person has on you can be almost impossible.
There are people in your life who will support you, criticize you constructively, and help you learn. Then there are those who will point out flaws with such a negative tone that it’s perfectly evident that their only wish is to hurt you.
If your woman is the latter, then break away as soon as you can; the relationship will only bring you pain and misery.
She believes in you, motivating you to believe in yourself.
Let’s say that we are lucky enough to live to 80. That’s roughly 29,000 days… 29,000 days that you should get up and push ahead in life with full force. Finding a way to motivate yourself day in and day out can be a daunting task – if not impossible altogether.
However, finding the right woman to help motivate you can make the difference between the realization of your dreams and continuous failure. The ideal woman is a woman who motivates you both actively and passively to be, and to do, better.
One of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon a man is a reason to be a better man.
Your life is much better with her than it is without her.
Emotions aside, the woman you ought to marry is the woman who adds to your life and doesn’t simply take away from it. Again, this can be a difficult differentiation to make, but it is one of dire importance.
Your emotions can lead you to believe that you need a woman that, in reality, you would be better without. You need to take a step back and decide whether your life is better or worse with her as a part of it.
She never makes excuses when you need her.
Dependability, although often incorporated with trust, is a beast of its own.
Is your woman the kind of woman whom you can depend on? Will she be there for you not only when you are at your best, but likewise when you’re at your worst?
Will she stay by your side or will her love waver the minute the waters turn rough? Some women are more interested in what you can do for them than what you mean to them.
The sex is really, really good.
There is a certain level of physical chemistry that I believe necessary for a marriage to work. This is one reason I could never understand remaining celibate until after the wedding day – if the sex is really bad then you’re going to have a difficult time being happy within the partnership.
Some people say that they don’t care much for sex… I’d say that this is because they’ve never had mind-blowing sex before. Although you may be able to get away with ignorance as bliss, why settle for less?
You both want the same things in life.
This is yet another crucial aspect of relationships that many overlook until it’s too late. It’s easy to love a woman when you don’t fully understand her – and to understand her, you have to understand exactly what it is that she wants out of life.
What does she want to do? Experience? Accomplish? What are her goals? Her dreams? Her wants? Her passions?
Too often we don’t realize that, although theoretically we may be compatible as individuals, our ideal lifestyles aren’t compatible. It’s difficult to spend your life with someone when the paths you need to take separate.
You love each other deeply. Before you go ahead and say, “Yes, of course we do!,” make sure that you understand what loving deeply means. To love deeply is to love twofold – it’s to love romantically and to love in the form of agape. To truly love each other is to love not only who the person is as an individual, but also to love what that person means to you. You have to love the person for who that person is as well as what that person does for you. The common definition of love, to love unconditionally, is wrong. We all love conditionally whether we like to admit it or not. The deepest love is a love that can combine both unconditional and conditional love to form a bond that cannot be broken by outside force – a mutual love that can last the test of time.

Originally appeared at Elite Daily –

Five Ways to be A Gentleman in a Wold Full of Boys

I keep hearing people proclaim the death of the gentleman. Everywhere I turn, I see overgrown boys speak to women in abominable ways. I see them playing manipulative games and emotionally punishing women like a pack of high school children.

I’ve seen these overgrown boys high-five their friends after spending a night with a woman, and then recount all the things she thought she shared with him and him alone.

I call them “overgrown boys” because they are not men; being a man is more than just mimicking the external features of manhood. Being a man means embodying the behaviors of one, of gracefully owning the calculating logic and flowing emotion that lives within us all.

In short, being a man is living in harmony with what you think and how you feel.

I will not delve into the superficial characteristics of a gentleman (such as holding doors and paying for dates), as the subject has been discussed at length. My interest is in the mindset of a modern gentleman: the class of Clooney; the fun-loving, go-getter attitude of a Branson; the seductive energy of Depp.

The Modern Gentleman is driven.

This is the single greatest flaw I see with men of my generation. When did it become cool to be in your mid-20s and have no vision?

Sure, you post motivational quotes on Facebook, along with pictures of what you consider to be the good life, but why are you spending your Friday and Saturday nights piss drunk or hungover?

What’s with the 4 am McDonalds runs? How productive are you after a night out?

Listen, it’s fine to let loose sometimes, but if this is your weekly routine, you need to reevaluate where you’re going. A man of passion is a man who will constantly strive to better the lives of the people he loves. Turn off “Game of Thrones” and get cracking.

The Modern Gentleman is composed.

I can’t believe the lack of maturity I’m seeing these days. From bragging about your sexual conquests to getting into arguments, to verbally lowering people around you to emotional outbursts at the wrong times. What the hell, man?

A gentleman is absolutely discreet, always composed and always in control. He does not let his emotions get the best of him.

Remember, it’s all about balance. Everyone has good days; everyone has bad days. What distinguishes you is your character on such days. When challenged, our lowest nature will drag us into the chaos with clenched fists, but ultimately, you lose.

You lose every time you react to someone who taunts you. You lose every time you brag to your friends for validation. You lose every time you argue with people you care about.

How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”
How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

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How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

By Patrick Armen

10 Signs You’ve Made A Mistake And Let The Wrong Person Go

love

 

 

 

Show of hands: How many of you broke up with someone or split up with someone and think that you may have made a huge mistake? The real question is: How do you know? Maybe the one that got away is really the one that got away, but maybe you’re just being impatient and romanticizing your past relationship.
It’s possible that you’re simply lonely and are clinging to the last meaningful relationship you had, but what if you aren’t? What if the one you let go was the one you should have been with?
What if that person is the best thing that will ever happen to you? Should you go back to him or her, ask for forgiveness and try your very best to become a part of his or her life once again?
Well, that last part I can’t tell you. However, what I can help you with is figuring out whether your imagination is simply running wild or whether you should never have let this person go.
1. You basically still think about this person every day.
Maybe not literally every single day of the week – that would be obsession – but if most days you find him or her slipping into mind, then you clearly made a bad move by walking away.
In order for a person to present himself or herself to your consciousness so regularly, he or she must have had a tremendous impact on the person you are today.
In a way, this person is a part of you. If the thoughts are followed with pleasant feelings, then he or she must be a good part of you.
2. You have yet to meet another person you are more impressed with in your life.
I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who compares every single new candidate to the one who meant most to me. If it’s difficult to find someone who can compare then you may be… screwed.
You may think this a bit shallow, but I don’t believe it’s possible for anyone to be happy with an individual he or she believes to be less impressive than a previous partner. I don’t just mean impressive on paper, but impressive personally. Being with anyone who falls short would be settling.
3. You have never loved anyone more deeply or intensely, even if you did love again.
Each time we love, we love a little differently – sometimes very much differently. Many of us are lucky enough to fall in love more than once in our lives, each time bringing slightly different tints of the same feelings.
The thing about love is that it’s more of a drug than anything else. It literally releases the feel-good chemicals in our brains that many synthetic drugs target.
You become addicted to it, and like a drug, our best high is always the most memorable. And we’ll always be searching for that very same high – or higher.
4. This person makes up much of the person you are now.
Some people come into our lives and leave a lasting impression. Some lovers influence our lives in ways that can be almost frightening when realized.
If you find yourself performing certain behaviors – whether it’s grooming, style of clothing, organizing things in a certain way, etc. – because you know that this person would have liked it that way, then you should never have let him or her go.
If you find that you have come to like these same things that same, certain way, then the truth is that you never really let this person go.
5. It’s still the best sex you’ve ever had.
Maybe it was specific moves or the sexual chemistry was especially intense. Maybe it was because sex could be animalistic and romantic at the same time. Whatever it is, considering this person to be the greatest sexual partner you’ve ever had is not a good sign if you’re trying to move on with your life.
That isn’t to say that you haven’t ever had some great sex with other people, but if this person you’re thinking of was the most memorable sex in your life, then you may have made a mistake.
6. If this person needed you, you’d drop everything to help.
This one is often a dead giveaway. For you to be willing to drop everything that you’re doing in order to help him or her when he or she really needs it, you still care an incredible amount. How many people can you say you really care about?
Better yet, how many people would you drop everything for – leave the country for, risk losing your job for, risk pissing off your current partner for? Probably not many. Caring is the only thing that gives life meaning.
7. Your life was never better without this person than it was with him or her.
Sure, we all have (hopefully) many great memories in our lifetimes. Yet, there are certain types of memories that are not only pertinent to the situation you may have found yourself in, but also the most important memories people usually have: those involving other individuals.
If the best memories you’ve created involved the person you split up with, then I think you know you made a poor decision. In the end, you only have your memories… the more great ones, the better.
8. Every time you think of this person, you manage a smile, followed by a wave of deep-seeded sadness.
Smiling is being happy, and being happy is the goal of life. If thinking about a person you let go always brings a smile to your face, you literally drove happiness out of your life.
Now you’re stuck with the sort of happiness that only leaves you feeling like sh*t afterwards – the sort of brief happiness that reminds you of what you lost, or rather, gave away. If you let go of the one then you will likely experience this oxymoronic happiness for a long time.
9. You believe that this person is better than you.
I often think that the right person for us is the person we find to be a better person than ourselves. This person is what we aren’t – what we can’t be or can only strive to become. How can you fall out of love with a person whom you believe to be better than you in so many ways?
Not necessarily every way, but enough ways to keep you in constant awe. I’m not sure it’s possible to stop loving such a person; he or she is a step closer to perfection – an imaginary ideal every human strives for in some way or another.
10. Although you know it’s too late, there’s something in your gut telling you that you wished it weren’t.
You may not like to admit you wish it weren’t too late to try again – and since you’ve read this far, I’d like to wager that this includes you – but you feel this tension in your gut, as if struggling to convince yourself of your own lie.
Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you made a bad decision – it’s always best to be honest with yourself. Although, I should warn you that admitting you shouldn’t have let this person go won’t get him or her back.
It may not be too late for the two of you, but it also may very well be. If you admit to yourself that you still love him or her and understand that the ship has sailed then be prepared to hurt and to do so quietly.
The best thing you can do to show this person you love him or her, in this case, is to allow him or her to live life in peace.

– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/

Society Tells Us A Relationship………..

love
I have a hard time dealing with what society tells us is the correct way to deal women or contradicts what I was taught about dealing with women.  I have been taught to treat a lady as such, a lady; she is beautiful and delicate like a flower and you should respect her.  There are certain things that you do for a lady, as a man: open doors, compliment her dress, hold her hand, and consider her feelings because, as a man, your feelings are not as sensitive. 

Now society contradicts everything that I have been learning my entire life.  Society says  a man and woman can do the same thing, and I am supposed to look at my lady as an equal in that capacity.  I’m sorry, we are not the same.  I am not shaking your hand like you are a man.  I am not going to talk to you like I talk to a man.  I am not going to fight you like a man.  So I will never look at a lady like a man. 

The thing that kills me is that I try to do like society says and treat women like I would treat a man..  However, this is very confusing to me because when we have a situation or disagreement, now I have to handle that situation as a man and consider your feelings and possible reactions as a woman?  I do not get it, you want to be like me but now you want to be a woman when it benefits you and I should know better and do better, which one is it?  If you want equal opportunity in the relationship that means you wants it at all times and not when you feel it benefits you. The only thing that I can do personally is be what I was taught.  I feel that I cannot go wrong in that situation.  I will always treat a woman like she is a woman.  Unless you are signing my checks or doing business with me, I will treat you like a woman.  I cannot treat you like society says I should.  If you want to be treated like a Queen then you have to let me look at you like that.  Trust me I will be the King in all situations. 

To all my fellas, I was taught that your lady is a reflection of you.  If want your relationship to go a certain way, you have to lead it into that direction.  If she does not follow you, then she is not the one for you. 

Remember to Keep It GC,

Adrian “GC Smooth” Taylor

It’s Not Me

Have you ever been doing things that were wrong and not having no feelings of what you
were doing and no way to Stop? And during that time have you had to stop and ask yourself why
am I doing this? Or what is going on with Me? well in these scriptures here we find that Paul is
going through something similar himself. Paul has come to a dilemma within himself much like
most of us in our everyday life. He is struggling with the war within himself, his flesh is fighting
against his spirit. We are all carnal sold under sin, but the law is spiritual, see right the is the first
dilemma trying to live out a spiritual law in a carnal body. Just like oil and water don’t mix carnality
and spiritual laws don’t mix. When you have an environment like this you deal with things that
you may not understand, (verse 15 for that which I do I allow not), now how is this Possible?
what he is saying is that what he does, the things that he is doing, he allows not, then that’s
almost like he is in a trans or he is being controlled by another force. Now his body is fighting him
doing the things that he does not allow it to do, ,then he say the things that I would that I do not,
now he is fighting his body trying to get his mind and body to do what he wants and need it to do,
(the good things) , and the things that I hate (the bad things), that is what I end up doing. What is
it that has the man of God doing these Things? Well when you are doing the will of God there is
always evil present putting pressure on you to do the wrong thing. When you are in a bad state
you are in a trans like a puppet on a string wandering aimlessly out of the will of God. He is in a
spiritual tug of War from within and he has this struggle daily, and that’s why we have to ask for
forgiveness daily we need to be renewed constantly from minute to minute hour to hour and from
day to day. We can’t just walk around aimlessly without getting ourselves together. Verse 16
goes on to say that if I am doing the things that I would not then I consent it under the law that it is
good, but now that is one of the tricks of the devil, and making you think or feel that just because
you a mighty man of God or you are called to do a thing that when you Tripp up that if you do it it
must be good under the law. Also just because you have a good heart to do good it is not OK.
God don’t judge you by your intentions, and but he judges by your actions. Verse 17 goes to
conclude that (it’s not Me!) somebody say it’s not Me! Now then it is no more that I , but the sin
that dwelled in me, the conclusion is that if I am doing the will of God and I am trying to do good
then it must not be me doing these things but the sin on the inside of me, because my heart is
good, but my motives are good, but my actions don’t reflect, so what are you saying man of
God? What I am saying is This! You have to put on the whole armor of God so that you will be
able to stand against the wiles of the devil and having that being said you also have to stay
prayed up at all times because the devil is out there tempting your flesh, and he knows what you
like so he does what he know to trip you up. Having being a spiritual being, trapped inside this
earthly vessel there is always a war going on inside you, and how to perform that which is good I
find not. In my flesh dwelled no good things, It is hard to get your sinful body to perform good
deeds(verse 18). In closing we find that when you do well for God there is always evil present
inside of you even when you delight in the law of God and the devil tries to use sin to bring you in
captivity in your mind by constantly trying to bring you down the road to destruction!

Daniel Evans