Tag Archives: gentleman

Fathers Incorporated Announces Its 10th Anniversary Gala: Celebrating 10 Years Of Building Better Fathers

Judge Greg Mathis Will Serve As Keynote Speaker; Tracy Martin (Father Of Trayvon) Among Awardees

– Judge Greg Mathis, presiding jurist of the nationally syndicated, reality-based court show “Judge Mathis,” will serve as the Keynote Speaker at Fathers Incorporated’s 10th Annual Fundraising Gala to be held on November 18, 2014, at the Alhambra Ballroom, Harlem, New York, 6:30 p.m.– 9:30 p.m. For more information, tickets and sponsorship please visit www.fathersincgala.com –








Kenneth Braswell; Executive Director, Fathers Incorporated

New York, NY — On Tuesday, November 18th many of the most committed and influential agents of change across the country will come together to join Fathers Incorporated in celebrating a decade of working to build better fathers by strengthening communities and family infrastructure. Terrie Williams, President of the Terrie Williams Agency and author of Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting, will serve as the Mistress of Ceremonies for the evening’s festivities.

“This year’s gala represents a major milestone for us at Fathers Incorporated. We have a significant story to tell about our humble beginnings from a small nonprofit founded in Albany, NY to a seasoned national fatherhood organization that serves as a leader in the promotion of Responsible Fatherhood and Mentoring in addition to the management of President Obama’s National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse. We have grown and produced impacts by using innovative social marketing and multi-media platforms, developing research-based products for the field, engaging in intensive outreach, and connecting key stakeholders–all serving to combat father absence in society and help support fathers in their role as parents,” says Braswell.

According to Shawn Dove, Manager of the Open Society Foundations’ Campaign for Black Male Achievement, “We are fortunate to have Fathers Incorporated as our friend and partner. Fathers Incorporated believes that the presence or absence of one’s father shapes the way that children view the world and develop. It believes in the family, the importance of fathers for children to thrive, and the importance of supporting men in families to continue to create positive changes in our communities. CBMA applauds the work of Fathers Incorporated and its contributions to the field of fatherhood. November 18th will be a special opportunity to separate its accomplishments and help increase support for the mission of Fathers Incorporated.”

In addition to celebrating Fathers Incorporated’s anniversary and accomplishments, a portion of the Gala will be devoted to honoring the partners who have worked with the organization over this past year to make a difference in the lives of fathers and families. 2014 Fathers Incorporated Honorees:

* Tracy Martin – The father of Trayvon Martin, who has encouraged a nation of Black fathers by example to be available for our children in the best and worst of life’s situations.

* Purple R.E.I.G.N. – Under the leadership of Founder and DV survivor Asia D. Smith, this Domestic Violence agency has addressed the tragic effects of DV for women, men, and children.

* Black Star Project – Founder and Executive Director, Phillip Jackson engages over 700 cities and thousands of schools across the globe to celebrate the Million Father March–encouraging fathers to engage in educational childhood development.

* Judge Greg Mathis – Judge Mathis is a national figure known for his advocacy campaigns for equal justice. His inspirational life story of a street youth who rose from jail to Judge has provided hope to millions who watch him on the award-winning television court show “Judge Mathis” each day.

* Cbabi Bayoc – Cbabi (stands for “Creative Black Artist Battling Ignorance”) Bayoc is an artist dedicated to using his craft to promote positive images of fatherhood, including his creation of 365 Days with Dad–paintings depicting inspirational portraits of Black fathers and their children.

* Dove Men+Care – Since the launch of the brand in 2010, Dove Men+Care has been committed to celebrating and authentically portraying and honoring fathers, coaches, and male mentors.

The mission of Fathers Incorporated is to encourage the positive involvement of father’s in the lives of children. If you agree, please join them to make a difference! Tickets and Gala Journal Ads are on sale now (early bird rates end 10/22).

The organization says, “With your support, we can continue to make a significant contribution to the work of Responsible Fatherhood and Mentoring!”

To learn more about Fathers Incorporated, purchase tickets, or make a donation, please visit www.fathersincgala.com.

Kenneth Braswell

Chick-fil-A gives Free Food to Motorists Stranded in Southern Snowstorm

chickBy Todd Starnes
Todd’s American Dispatch
Published January 29, 2014

A snowstorm in the South is about as rare as a glass of unsweetened tea at a church supper. Folks around Birmingham, Ala. weren’t all that worried though. The storm was only supposed to dust the city – not even enough powder for a Southern snowman.

So when the first snowflakes began to fall, no one paid all that much attention. But then, the flakes kept falling. Before too long folks in places like Hoover and Inverness realized it was much more than a dusting. By that point, it was too late for anyone to do anything.

Icy interstates and highways soon became clogged with cars and trucks. Thousands of motorists soon found themselves stranded with nowhere to go – including many stuck on Highway 280.

Chick-fil-A had a captive crowd of hungry customers. So why did they give away their food?

But a good number of those stranded motorists were able to find shelter in the storm thanks to the kindness and generosity of Chick-fil-A restaurant employees and the restaurant’s owner, Mark Meadows.

Once the snow started accumulating, Meadows closed the restaurant and sent his staff home. But a few hours later, many of them returned – unable to get to their homes.

“Our store is about a mile and a half from the interstate and it took me two hours to get there,” manager Audrey Pitt told me. “It was a parking lot as far as I could see.”

So Audrey left her car on the side of the interstate and joined a flock of bundled up drivers trudging through the snow.

“At one point there were more people walking than driving,” she said.

Some of the drivers had been stuck in their cars for nearly seven hours without any food or water. So the staff of the Chick-fil-A decided to lend a helping hand.

“We cooked several hundred sandwiches and stood out on both sides of 280 and handed out the sandwiches to anyone we could get to – as long as we had food to give out.”

The staffers braved the falling snow and ice, slipping and sliding, as they offered hot juicy chicken breasts tucked between two buttered buns. And Chick-fil-A refused to take a single penny for their sandwiches.

The meal was a gift – no strings attached.

For the frozen drivers, it was manna from heaven.

“They were very excited and extremely thankful,” she said. “People were thankful to get something to put in their stomachs.”

Audrey said they were especially surprised that the sandwiches were free. Why not make some extra money during the storm? It’s not like anyone could go to another restaurant. Chick-fil-A had a captive crowd of hungry customers. So why did they give away their food?

“This company is based on taking care of people and loving people before you’re worried about money or profit,” Audrey told me. “We were just trying to follow the model that we’ve all worked under for so long and the model that we’ve come to love. There was really nothing else we could have done but try to help people any way we could.”

Lauren Dango was one of those stranded motorists. She’s known Meadows for years and she was stunned when she saw him walking from car to car with Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

“I looked up and I’m like, what is he doing,” Dango told me. “He had a catering order and it got canceled, so he pulled over and started giving away food.”

And if that wasn’t enough, Meadows helped a driver maneuver along the icy road by pushing a car up an incline.

Dango was so touched by Meadows’ kindness, she sent a letter to Chick-fil-A’s corporate headquarters.
“Kudos to Mark Meadows for not only preaching the “second mile” concept, but actually living by it,” she wrote.

It’s no secret that Chick-fil-A was founded by a Christian family. And it’s no secret that they run their business on biblical values. What happened in Birmingham is an example of how those biblical values are played out.

“We just wanted to be able to help,” Audrey said. “Yesterday was such a hopeless situation. We wanted to do something to make people feel a little bit better. We were here. We had food and there were people outside who needed food. So it just made sense to do something for them.”

But Chick-fil-A’s generosity didn’t stop there.

“We opened up our dining room to anyone who wanted to sleep on a bench or a booth,” Audrey told me.
And this morning, the weary staff members fired up their ovens and began preparing chicken biscuits. The only thing that is closed – is Chick-fil-A’s cash register.

“We’re not open for business,” she said. ‘We’re just feeding people who are hungry.”

I’d say the Chick-fil-A team blessed a lot of people in Birmingham – but that’s not how Audrey sees it.
“It’s a blessing to us to be able to help people,” she said. “It really is.”

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,” Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew. “I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.”

It was a Sunday school lesson illustrated on a snowy winter day along Highway 280 in Alabama with a chicken sandwich and a side of waffle fries.

Todd Starnes is host of Fox News & Commentary, heard on hundreds of radio stations. Sign up for his American Dispatch newsletter, be sure to join his Facebook page, and follow him on Twitter. His latest book is “God Less America”.

20 Things the Rich Do Every Day

Tom Corley, on his website RichHabitsInstitute.com, outlines a few of the differences between the habits of the rich and the poor.

1. 70% of wealthy eat less than 300 junk food calories per day. 97% of poor people eat more than 300 junk food calories per day. 23% of wealthy gamble. 52% of poor people gamble.

2. 80% of wealthy are focused on accomplishing some single goal. Only 12% of the poor do this.

3. 76% of wealthy exercise aerobically four days a week. 23% of poor do this.

4. 63% of wealthy listen to audio books during commute to work vs. 5% of poor people.

5. 81% of wealthy maintain a to-do list vs. 19% of poor.

6. 63% of wealthy parents make their children read two or more non-fiction books a month vs. 3% of poor.

7. 70% of wealthy parents make their children volunteer 10 hours or more a month vs. 3% of poor.

8. 80% of wealthy make Happy Birthday calls vs. 11% of poor.

9. 67% of wealthy write down their goals vs. 17% of poor.

10. 88% of wealthy read 30 minutes or more each day for education or career reasons vs. 2% of poor.

11. 6% of wealthy say what’s on their mind vs. 69% of poor.

12. 79% of wealthy network five hours or more each month vs. 16% of poor.

13. 67% of wealthy watch one hour or less of TV every day vs. 23% of poor.

14. 6% of wealthy watch reality TV vs. 78% of poor.

15. 44% of wealthy wake up three hours before work starts vs. 3% of poor.

16. 74% of wealthy teach good daily success habits to their children vs. 1% of poor.

17. 84% of wealthy believe good habits create opportunity luck vs. 4% of poor.

18. 76% of wealthy believe bad habits create detrimental luck vs. 9% of poor.

19. 86% of wealthy believe in lifelong educational self-improvement vs. 5% of poor.

20. 86% of wealthy love to read vs. 26% of poor.

A Word from Dave…

There has been so much negative and ignorant response to the above list that I felt I needed to respond and teach; that is what teachers do. So to clear up any confusion from others’ blogs and comments about us, we are adding this commentary to this posting. —Dave


Over the last two decades, my company has taught people what the Bible says about money: getting on a plan … in the Bible; getting out of debt … in the Bible; living on less than you make … in the Bible; saving money and thereby building wealth … in the Bible; being generous and remembering God owns it all … in the Bible. We teach living like no one else so that later you can live and GIVE like no one else. Our lessons are about getting your family under control financially so you can take care of your own household first. We also teach the importance of giving no matter where you are in the process, first with tithing and then with extraordinary generosity when you’re able. We have always taught that responsible generosity is the natural walk for a believer. Anyone who has attended our courses or read our work knows this is a fact.

In addition to that, I have railed on things where the poor are oppressed in our culture—things like payday lending, rent-to-own, or our own government-sponsored oppression, the lottery.

Because of this, I am amazed at how many of my brothers and sisters in Christ have attacked us because of a simple list posted on our website. Maybe it shouldn’t amaze me in our Twitter culture—where immature people now study, reflect, research and communicate in only 140 characters—yet it still does. The piece in question is a simple list outlining the habits of the poor versus the habits of the rich. It could just as easily have been a different list of the habits of the obese versus the habits of the physically fit.

What saddens me is that some members of our culture are so doctrinally shallow and so spiritually immature that the reaction was often rude, inappropriate or outright abusive. This reaction is sad because it’s focused only on this one little list, not on our body of work. When you actually bother to look into what we teach, you find generosity and grace taught throughout. This reaction is sad because it’s not even a reflection of what that little list actually says. This reaction is sad because it is a reflection of how politicized, immature and doctrinally ignorant some members of our Christian culture are.

This list simply says your choices cause results. You reap what you sow. Is the research perfect? No. It is a small sample, but it does pass the common-sense smell test. Does this research or the reason for posting it have anything to do with third-world countries? No. Anyone with good walking-around sense can see that this is a first-world discussion. Is this list a way of hating the poor? Seriously? Grow up.

There is a direct correlation between your habits, choices and character in Christ and your propensity to build wealth in non-third-world settings. To dispute that or attribute hate to that statement is immature and ignorant. To assume that our ministry hates the poor is ludicrous and is a reflection more on you than on our work or our beliefs.

Biblically speaking, poverty is caused and perpetuated primarily by some combination of three things:
1. Personal habits, choices and character;
2. Oppression by people taking advantage of the poor;
3. The myriad of problems encountered if born in a third-world economy.

The third-world economy is and should be a whole different discussion. If you are broke or poor in the U.S. or a first-world economy, the only variable in the discussion you can personally control is YOU. You can make better choices and have better results. If you believe that our economy and culture in the U.S. are so broken that making better choices does not produce better results, then you have a problem. At that point your liberal ideology has left the Scriptures and your politics have caused you to become a fatalist.

One of the main reasons our culture has prospered is because of our understanding and application of biblical truths. Bible-believing Christians believe in sowing and reaping—what the world calls cause and effect—as well as in God’s sovereignty and providence. The scientific method you should have learned in seventh-grade science class is based on sowing and reaping (cause and effect). Bible-believing Christians understand God has called us to have an impact, to take dominion, on our environment, and logic follows that our habits, choices and character have consequences and harvests. For over 200 years, that belief system has led to life-changing industry, inventions and a standard of living never known before on this planet. This is not hate; on the contrary, it is love.

My wife and I started our lives with almost nothing, eating off a card table and driving two cars that did not total $2,000 in value. We were broke, but we did not believe that was our destiny. Over the next several years, we grew a real estate fortune, but lost all of that due to bad decisions and choices. And yes, it was all my fault. I was scared, beat up, beat down, and worn out with two small children and a marriage hanging on by a thread. But the Bible doesn’t say I’m a victim; God’s Word says I am a child of the King. So we began the long process of rebuilding our lives twenty-five years ago. God has blessed our efforts and we have done well, and for that I am incredibly grateful and humbled.

Despite these blessings, there are others who have far more than I do. The talents and treasures on this earth are not distributed equally, and that is not fair—or is it? God has chosen to give most of you better hair than me, to make Tiger Woods a better golfer than me, to make Brad Paisley a better guitarist than me, and to make Max Lucado a better writer than me. With God’s grace, I am fine with that. I am not angry at them, and I don’t think they have done something wrong by becoming successful. As I’ve matured, I’ve come to realize that God is indeed fair, but fair does not mean equal.

My team and I are loving teachers who understand that people’s best shot at having a better life is to make better choices, have better habits, and grow their character. Our long track record of helping people shouts what we believe. We love Christ, we love people, and we believe the Bible’s teachings are the answer to the world’s struggles. We will continue to put them forth in the marketplace, and we will fight for our right to do so regardless of whether you agree—or whether you have the capacity to understand. We will do that because we don’t work for our critics; we do our work as unto the Lord, and we won’t stop until He tells us to.

Letter to Strong Men


Dear Men, O strong Proud Men….

*Are you okay? How are you? “I’m good” you’ve been trained to say…
No no. I said how are YOU? How do you feel? Are you overwhelmed with being STRONG ALL THE TIME? Are you tired? Do you need me to take some weight off of you? Whoever said you should carry the WHOLE WORLD ALLLLL THE TIME?

*How is your heart? Is it heavy? Is the pressure of being a provider to more than just yourself a lot at times? Are you scared? Do you need rest? A vacation? Do you need just a moment to gather your thoughts… to hear your thoughts? Has anyone told you…IT’S OKAY TO BE WEAK? It’s okay to seek rest. Not just for your body, but for you mind and your spirit too?

*Remember that first punch? It did NOT knock you out…. But by the 5th…then the 10th, yes your legs did get weak. You did NOT fall. You still WON the fight. But you were weakened. And IT IS OKAY…!!! Be strong enough to admit when you are weak.

*Say it…it is okay to feel weak. It is OKAY TO cry if it hurts. You are still a man. Your manhood is still right there. Even after you rest. Take your rest my love. Being a man is hard. Learn to admit when you are weak and that the punches have gotten to you. Admit it with your mouth, in your heart and with some cleansing tears.

*The true test of your manhood is what you do after your rest. How can you be a well to others, empty? Refill yourself. I will ask you if no one does. How are you? Are you okay? No one asks “the strong” ARE YOU, YES YOU…OKAY? I am asking. I am asking. It is how you finish that is important. But take your rest. Then be your best.
I love you,


Your wife, mother, sister, daughter, son, father, best friend, uncle, aunt, coworkers, cousins. We all call on you, but today we want to know. Are you okay?

Amber Nicole Smiley

My Notes!


I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes! I really appreciate it! I was sitting back reflecting on another year and a I started getting down on myself about the things that I had not accomplished or things I wanted in my life that I did not have yet. But that is what the devil wants but then I started to really think about everything that God has blessed me with and how far he has brought me and all I could do was smile. I have family and friends that love and support me. I am being blessed with so many opportunities there is no way I should be sad. I have to much to be happy about. Life is just beginning stay tuned! Thank you all so much!

Adrian Taylor

Can I Tell You Something


Can I tell you something?
I mean I gotta get this off my chest, see…
I met this girl yo…and I’m saying tho,
she gotta be the one for me,
And She so puuurrrty,
sometimes I find myself blowing kisses at her shadow
…if she’d cast one…
cuz the only thing brighter than her is the sun,
and i dnt even know about all that cuz its HER that makes everything on me grow…ya know *wink*…
and I know, I ain’t solar powered, just a coward to tell you—-I mean her,
that If she really is a star then I’m her only planet…granted I just met you yesterday…
or at least it seems like about one full rotation since He first planted your seed in my soil
that grew to bear such an unconditional fruit.
not that forbidden fruit that Eve was slinging,
but that for living, my Cherry amor fruit that Steve was singing.
Every day you bringing… me joy…I did say “she” right?
Oh and did I mention SHE write???
mannnnn she wrote me this song about brushing my hair and puttin my du-rag on…
yea beyonce was singing it but that had to be my baby song,
I mean she caters to my ever loving needs…right or wrong!
I dnt even gotta ask…I just be smilin’,
cuz what I think she think and what she think I think, it’s like our souls are N’sync…
Justin…case we Neva made it past today,
the dime in yo face, that damn in yo waist and the depth in the space between em cute little ear you got, gave me my life’s purpose and the summit to my base…I mean she…
Funny thing is God told me he was gone change my life soon as I got up from under those covers, but I ain’t think she was gone be the change to make me wanna change others…
turn haters into lovers, enemies into brothers, and by any means, one way or another, i’ma have you…I mean her…
I swear if I could sing…I’d Usher her down the isle,
and if i could dance I’d never Chris Brown or Black her eye
and if I could litigate I’d mitigate the possibility of ever being acquitted…
I love this girl…it’s the best feeling in the world and I cant even admit it…because at the end of the day, what can the sand really tell the ocean…eroding the safety of my sures and maybes…
Like the moon and the tide, we are tied
In constant connection but our paths never collide
Bringing stabilty to the constant waves of emotion…
So can i tell u something, i can no longer hide
In you is a home where my love does reside

Jamel Holloman

How to Be a Gentleman: 12 Timeless Tips

So you want to be a gentleman but don’t know where to start. Being a gentleman isn’t a personality quirk. It’s not something you turn on and off like a switch. It’s a lifestyle. Although it’s a reputation that’s hit the endangered species list, like my Ghostbusters sweatshirt, I’m hopeful it will make a comeback.

Being a gentleman revolves around one word: respect. It’s respect for yourself, those you care about, and those you want to care about.

Here are 12 timeless tips on how to be a gentleman that will enhance your life, both personally and professionally:

1. Define Your Personal Style

When I hear “gentleman” I think suit, tie, polished shoes… and stuffy. Seriously, I just fell asleep thinking about it.

Luckily, the definition has evolved and isn’t attached to a certain look anymore – it’s all about attitude and how you carry yourself. Choose a personal style that reflects your personality and lifestyle. Don’t buy clothes you think you should, otherwise you may as well wear a sandwich board that says I have no idea who I am!

2. Keep Your Hygiene in Check

Put effort into your appearance. Keep yourself clean, showered, and groomed. Women do enjoy scruffy, but controlled scruffy – you don’t want your date asking where you hid your cardboard sign and paper cup.

In other words: don’t smell. And perhaps reserve the gnarly Davy Jones beard for the NHL playoffs.

3. Be a Grown-up

It’s now commonplace for potential employers to check out your social media profiles. You’ll also be hard-pressed to find a woman who won’t do the same before dating you. Even if the pictures are from years ago and you’ve since cleaned up your act, they’re not going to see “now” you. They’re going to see “then” you, a.k.a. K-Fed hat and beer bong.

While you’re at it, set up a grown-up e-mail address. The sounds-dirty-but-isn’t e-mail account you’ve had since high school is the farthest thing from gentlemanly. Ever.

4. Keep Language PG-13

As someone who’s an unintentional potty mouth, I was alarmed to find out how many people are offended by swearing. I now do my best to keep the f-bombs at a minimum.

It’s obviously a huge no-no in professional settings, but trust me, when you constantly swear in your personal life, it becomes increasingly difficult to reel in the habit at work.

Consider this a top priority if you want to be a gentleman. Not only will expanding your vocabulary make you a better communicator, you’ll impress others across the board with your intelligence and professionalism.

5. Connect With People

Say hello as you’re walking past a stranger. Let someone go in front of you in the grocery line. Make eye contact. Be approachable. It’s one of the best ways to open yourself up to new people, experiences, and professional connections.

To be a gentleman while you’re out, always remember it’s all about them. Be a good listener. Ask questions. Take note of what’s important to them, and they’ll take note of you.

6. Find Your Purpose

Beyond a nice home and financial security, what do you want? What are you passionate about? What mark do you want to make? Define what you live for. Not only will you feel more fulfilled, it’ll lead to so much depth and substance your head will spin. Everything will feel that much brighter.

Don’t take my word for it: be a gentleman and find out for yourself.

7. Be Clear About What You Want

Not making a decision is a decision in itself, and it’s not a good one! If you want the respect of others, know what you want and what you don’t, and be clear about it. Knowing how to say no is one of the most well-respected things you can do for yourself.

You don’t want to be a wishy-washy person who constantly flakes on those you care about because you over-commit, and you certainly don’t want to be the guy with no opinion or backbone.

8. Hold the Door Open

Holding the door open for people is a gentleman’s calling card. It’s one of the most subtle yet powerful ways to show your consideration for others.

Game. Set. Match.

9. Keep Your Promises

A big part of being a gentleman is respecting others’ time and meaning what you say. If you say you’re going to meet someone at a specific time, don’t be late. When you tell someone you’re going to help them with something, help them. When you promise you’ll have a project done by a certain date, meet your deadline.

Not only will this build trust with those you care about, it will also help build self-trust, a crucial-yet-underrated form of trust when you’re a gentleman.

10. Return the Favor

It’s all about the little things, both at work and at home. If a co-worker helped you setup a killer presentation, help them with their annual report. If your girlfriend picked up groceries, carry them in for her. Always make sure you’re helping enhance the lives of those you care about.

11. Pick Up After Yourself

Keeping a tidy office, home, and car will leave a good impression on anyone you meet. It shows you take yourself seriously, and take pride in what you’ve worked hard for.

Fast forward ten years to when you’re living with your future wifey: if you build the habit now, you’ll be one of the few who aren’t nagged about leaving their socks on the floor! Win/win.

12. Be You

Nobody’s looking to hire or date a Ken doll. Our professional and personal lives are now fused together thanks to technology, so drop all that compartmentalizing and be authentic 24/7. Let your guard down and stop trying to look so glossy. Not to sound all hippy, but just be.

What’s ironic about the art of being yourself is what makes you unique is usually what makes you self-conscious. The flaws you find irritating are appealing and endearing to everyone else – they’re what set you apart and make you memorable. Would you rather be memorable or a cardboard cutout? That’s what I thought.

Being at ease with who you are is the sign of a true gentleman. Gentlemen don’t lie or mislead – they’re as comfortable with themselves as they want you to be. Being a gentleman never goes out of style – put these tips into practice and you’ll be well on your way to gentleman status.

by Krissy Brady in Communication, Lifestyle, Relationships
What do you think it takes to be a gentleman? Let us know in the comments!

Qualities of a Gentleman

I wonder how many of us have actually had the fortune of being in the presence of one! Well, many women would think that gone are those days when gentlemen really laid down their coats so that her highness could cross the puddle of water without really getting her expensive footwear soiled. The idea that most have about the diminishing numbers of gentlemen all over is not always true, sadly not everybody gets to meet a true gentleman in every walk of life. In the ancient days, there was a time when the market was flooded with books that taught people about etiquette and how one should conduct oneself in public. Probably the modern men and even women of today may not really identify with the kind of social rules that were laid out in those books. Chewing food with your mouth open and rude behavior are just the basics of the rules that were laid out. Some of these hold true even today. Common courtesy is one such thing that I have noticed which is truly uncommon; be it men or women. Women still have their set ideas about gentlemen and the hope that their man would also be like one, is a secret buried deep inside. So, what do women mean when they speak about qualities of a gentleman? Are these qualities so rare or are women really asking for too much?

Essential Qualities of a True Gentleman

A polished man is bound to win the hearts of many ladies. This is one quality that is most sought after by a lot of women. A true gentleman would always be aware of the way he presents himself to others. This is not about being a put on; in fact being polished in his behavior should come from within. No woman would love a slob; a true man is one who knows how to behave in public and is careful about his etiquette. Such a gentleman would always be well dressed and this does not mean sporting brands. A neat and well-groomed personality is a sure sign of a gentleman.

He always keeps his word. This is one thing that I have heard since my childhood days! Being honest to yourself and others around you is also another quality a gentleman possesses. A man who is honest and respects others is bound to be an attractive personality since honesty is one such factor that is also diminishing amongst people today.

He will always mind his manners and would always appreciate others. He would very rarely lose his temper or raise his voice. A man would need this quality to be called a thorough gentleman; the man needs to always be aware when he should say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Trust me, this is bound to make you look really sophisticated and you would really stand out for being polite and courteous; especially in a time when many have forgotten the basics that were taught way back in school.

He always carries himself with grace. Winning the hearts of women doesn’t always mean having drop dead gorgeous looks; it’s his mannerisms that prove to be most attractive!

A chivalrous man is also considered to be the very quality any woman would look for in her man. Most women love being treated with exclusivity. Girls love men who holds the door open for the lady and offers to hold her heavy grocery bag. Although, women may scream about gender equality, the truth is women love being treated in a special way. Trust me, having the door slammed on the face by a guy is definitely a complete turn off!

He would always command authority in a mild manner. This will help him earn respect at work and also impress his ladylove. A man who does not throw his weight around and act pompous at work is bound to look more dignified as compared to a man who rants and raves and makes a fool of himself in public.

He can also be a fun person; gentlemen are not necessarily boring people! A fine sense of humor combined with intelligent conversational skills can show the true spirit of a thorough man.

What I have compiled here is just a beginning! Girls, if you manage to meet a gentleman, I am sure you would have the time of your life with such a towering personality. These are just a few qualities mentioned out here; the list can be never ending! Therefore, I am sure many women would know by now, they should draw the line!

By Kashmira Lad

Etiquette Of A Gentleman

Some argue that the concept of being a gentleman is archaic. Others argue that the rules of being a gentleman have not and cannot change, and if you’re not standing reflexively when a woman enters the room, then you might as well go live under a bridge. Being a modern gentleman is both of these things, but also neither. I’m sure as hell not standing just because a woman enters the room, or throwing my jacket over a mud puddle. But at the same time, any man who wants to rise above and stand out (in a good way) needs to keep in mind a few things that separate a modern gentleman from, well, everyone else. Consider the following:

Make a Good First Impression
How often do you consciously monitor the way you act around new acquaintances? You may offer a firm handshake, but do you make eye contact? Do you introduce yourself politely and clearly, or do you slap hands and say “Sup, bro? I’m Jake”? If you do this wrong, you could find yourself paddling upstream, attempting to land in the good graces of your new acquaintance.

Be Hygienic
There’s nothing wrong with waking up from a night on the town and throwing on a rumpled T-shirt, last night’s jeans and a ball cap to make a Starbucks run. However, those jeans you’re putting on ought to go over a fresh pair of underpants, and that T-shirt should have a new coat of antiperspirant underneath it, even if you haven’t showered yet. There’s no excuse for leaving the house with your teeth unbrushed, nails untrimmed, and hair unkempt (or at least uncovered). While you may not care what the barista thinks of your appearance, you never know who you might see. Almost nothing can turn around a bad first impression, but a bad second, third, or fourth impression can sure as hell erase a good first one.

Be Honest
We’ve all been there: Maybe you’re seeing someone casually, or have just begun a relationship, and you see a woman who makes you do a double-take. Assuming you don’t have your lady friend in tow, sooner or later events conspire to make it such that the two of you have struck up a conversation at the bar. Assuming you’ve made a good first impression and have some modicum of charm, inevitably the talk turns to relationship status. When the question comes up, what do you do? If you’re any kind of a gentleman, you come clean and be truthful about the fact that you’re seeing someone. That may end the conversation for her, but if she wants to carry on, so be it. Regardless, lying is unfair to your squeeze, unfair to your new acquaintance and generally unbecoming of a gentleman.

Have Context and Self-Awareness
In a social setting, the modern gentleman is immediately aware of the tone and setting in which he finds himself. If you’re at a $5,000/plate fundraising dinner, that shouldn’t be your cue to drink combatively and test your personal limits. On the other hand, no one likes a wet blanket. If everyone else is dancing on tables and singing off-key to Journey, unless you’re abstaining for other reasons, by all means indulge and have a good time. Whatever the case, you don’t want to be remembered as the guy who was out of touch with the rest of the party. That’s a good way to make sure you aren’t invited back.

Make Others Feel Like They’re the Center of Attention
Most gatherings, be they social or professional, include a diverse cast of characters. Wallflowers, attention hogs and social butterflies are all to be expected. Regardless of who you’re talking to, you want them to leave feeling like the conversation they had with you was the most rewarding one they’ve had all day. You should neither marginalize a quiet type by overpowering him, nor should you try to belittle a big talker through feigned apathy. Whoever you’re talking to, engage them. Listen. Ask intelligent questions. Even if you’d rather wipe your ass with poison ivy than discuss the topic at hand, 30 seconds of engagement will earn you far more goodwill than five minutes of eye rolling. Speaking of wiping your ass…

Watch your Mouth
There’s nothing wrong with a little cursing here and there, and there’s nothing ungentlemanly about it, provided the context is right. If you’re with your friends or even slightly more mixed company, a swear word won’t kill anyone. But in the wrong setting, telling an off-color joke, however funny it may be to you, isn’t going to go over so well with the black, Jewish double-amputee you didn’t notice in the corner who happened to be the punchline of your oddly specific joke. In an instant, you’ll go from being the life of the party to a member of the untouchable caste. It’s fine to call Aaron Rodgers a “f*cking jackass” (because he is) when you invite your college buddies over to your house to watch football. It’s not so fine when your boss invites you over to his.

Remove Your Hat Indoors
Yes, this is an old one, but a good one. If you’re going someplace and you’ll be staying a while, take your hat off. It just shows a little respect for the establishment you’re entering. Don’t want to because your hair will get messed up? Too bad — in that case, you shouldn’t have worn a hat. This isn’t the 1950s, and a hat is no longer a de facto part of a man’s wardrobe. If it’s the dead of winter and you’re wearing a beanie or ski cap for warmth, don’t worry about it. Everyone else’s hair will look just as bad.

Wait For Others to Get Their Food Before Eating
If you’re out for a meal with a group, the gentlemanly thing to do is to wait for all parties to get their food before digging in. You don’t want to be the one guy shoveling food in his face while others are still conversing. Plus you’ll finish before everyone else and have to sit in silence while they finish. Speaking of which, take small bites. It’ll help your meal last longer, and you never know when you might want to jump into the conversation. The exception: If there are more than six of you, go ahead and eat. There’s no need to make others feel like they’re forcing you to let your food get cold while the waitstaff brings out eight more plates.

When You’re With A Woman
While some things have fallen out of fashion, other stalwarts of the gentleman’s code are just as applicable today as they ever were. Let’s take a look.

Outdated Etiquette
-Standing when women enter/leave the room: While it’s always a good idea to stand when being introduced, standing just because of a woman’s presence will come off as weird to most women. And, admit it, it kind of is.

-Offering your seat at a dinner table: If your host is expecting a party of a certain number, it’s up to the host or the restaurant to ensure there are enough seats. If an unexpected female guest shows up, well that probably means the host didn’t want her there anyway. Besides, you know what’s not gentlemanly? Awkwardly hovering over a table of seated guests after you gave up your chair to an uninvited diner.

-Helping her with her coat: This, on its own, is a fine idea. It’s a great gesture and it’s really adorable to see, say, a married couple doing this. However, if this is early in the dating game, she may not want you touching her stuff, and in all likelihood she won’t know what you’re trying to do. As important as it is to be gallant and kind, it’s even more important to make sure your date doesn’t feel like an idiot.

-Helping her with her chair: Again, nothing wrong with the gesture itself. It’s just another one of those things that women aren’t accustomed to anymore. Besides, at a decent place the host or waitstaff usually assists with this.

Etiquette She Appreciates
-Holding the door: Don’t worry about coming off as misogynistic or insensitive to her capabilities as a human being. Everyone appreciates a little hand. However, don’t make a show out of running ahead to reach the door before she does (unless she’s carrying something). In that case, simply reach over her and assist her with opening the door. Remember, she can open it herself. It’s the thought that counts.

Reaching for the check: This has been discussed ad nauseum here and elsewhere, and, yes, you should still do it. If she fights you or insists on splitting it, then let her have it. Otherwise, grab it, put your card in, and don’t say any more about it. Of course, if she’s arranged a date with the intention of taking you out on the town, by all means respect her gesture.

-Opening the car door: Provided you’re parked on the same side of the street as the place you’re leaving, this takes zero time or effort and reflects well on you as a gentleman. However, like with holding entry doors, don’t make a show of running around to the other side of the car if you’re parked in the other direction. If a gesture requires obvious effort and expense, it goes from being gallant to buffoonish.

-Entering a cab first: Counterintuitive, but if your lady friend is wearing a skirt or dress, it’s a lot easier for her to not have to scoot all the way over to the driver’s side.

-Walking on the curb-side of the street: Truthfully, if a runaway city bus careens over the curb and heads in your direction, it doesn’t matter much what side of the street you’re on. But, still, the gesture is of you putting yourself between wayward vehicles and splashed puddles. She may not even notice you’re doing it (my wife never does), but it costs you nothing.

-Offering her your arm: If you’re on a first date, this could be a little dicey, so play it by ear. Look at it this way — if you offer her your arm and she takes it, that means she likes you (at least to some degree). Otherwise, it’s a classy, understated alternative to holding hands, and I can’t think of a woman who doesn’t want to be seen walking arm-in-arm with her man.

Being a modern gentleman doesn’t have to be hard, and, in fact, it’s easier than ever. It’s all about self-awareness and consideration for those around you. Those never go out of style.