Tag Archives: better

The Reality is………..

I was having a serious conversation with a friend about life’s struggles, relationships, and family. She then revealed to me that a couple of years ago she reached her lowest point in life and wanted to commit suicide. I will be honest, when she told me, I was not shocked. I thought she was going to tell me she had been raped or stabbed a guy; just something tragic. In somewhat of a jerk way I simply said, “That’s it? I thought you were about to tell me something crazy. “
Yeah, you did not read that wrong. That is exactly what happened! I told her I wanted to kill myself twice in my teen years. So, I really did not see the big deal about her lowest point. Then I thought about it and I had to really look at myself and say man, how can my mind be so twisted to think that someone committing suicide is not a big deal? Or, could it be that I actually feel like everyone, at some point in time, has thought about killing themselves. I really do not care how strong you are, the thought has popped into your mind of how would the world be without you living in it anymore.
Suicide is a serious matter; more and more people are taking their lives everyday. In my teen years, I did not feel loved. It is funny how people just do not know the mentality of the people that they are around. You try to be this person in the public eye. People think that you are living the good life, when they have no clue that you are struggling everyday with daily life.
So my friend, please excuse my insensitivity when you told me. I do not know your story and I was not there when you were going through your problems. In fact, as a friend I need to be more understanding and uplift you. We should never down play each other’s problems, because everyone is not built the same way. So the next time you look at your life and compare someone else’s struggles to yours stop, because they are not you!
Remember to Keep it GC,

Adrian”GC Smooth” Taylor

Qualities of a Gentleman

I wonder how many of us have actually had the fortune of being in the presence of one! Well, many women would think that gone are those days when gentlemen really laid down their coats so that her highness could cross the puddle of water without really getting her expensive footwear soiled. The idea that most have about the diminishing numbers of gentlemen all over is not always true, sadly not everybody gets to meet a true gentleman in every walk of life. In the ancient days, there was a time when the market was flooded with books that taught people about etiquette and how one should conduct oneself in public. Probably the modern men and even women of today may not really identify with the kind of social rules that were laid out in those books. Chewing food with your mouth open and rude behavior are just the basics of the rules that were laid out. Some of these hold true even today. Common courtesy is one such thing that I have noticed which is truly uncommon; be it men or women. Women still have their set ideas about gentlemen and the hope that their man would also be like one, is a secret buried deep inside. So, what do women mean when they speak about qualities of a gentleman? Are these qualities so rare or are women really asking for too much?

Essential Qualities of a True Gentleman

A polished man is bound to win the hearts of many ladies. This is one quality that is most sought after by a lot of women. A true gentleman would always be aware of the way he presents himself to others. This is not about being a put on; in fact being polished in his behavior should come from within. No woman would love a slob; a true man is one who knows how to behave in public and is careful about his etiquette. Such a gentleman would always be well dressed and this does not mean sporting brands. A neat and well-groomed personality is a sure sign of a gentleman.

He always keeps his word. This is one thing that I have heard since my childhood days! Being honest to yourself and others around you is also another quality a gentleman possesses. A man who is honest and respects others is bound to be an attractive personality since honesty is one such factor that is also diminishing amongst people today.

He will always mind his manners and would always appreciate others. He would very rarely lose his temper or raise his voice. A man would need this quality to be called a thorough gentleman; the man needs to always be aware when he should say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Trust me, this is bound to make you look really sophisticated and you would really stand out for being polite and courteous; especially in a time when many have forgotten the basics that were taught way back in school.

He always carries himself with grace. Winning the hearts of women doesn’t always mean having drop dead gorgeous looks; it’s his mannerisms that prove to be most attractive!

A chivalrous man is also considered to be the very quality any woman would look for in her man. Most women love being treated with exclusivity. Girls love men who holds the door open for the lady and offers to hold her heavy grocery bag. Although, women may scream about gender equality, the truth is women love being treated in a special way. Trust me, having the door slammed on the face by a guy is definitely a complete turn off!

He would always command authority in a mild manner. This will help him earn respect at work and also impress his ladylove. A man who does not throw his weight around and act pompous at work is bound to look more dignified as compared to a man who rants and raves and makes a fool of himself in public.

He can also be a fun person; gentlemen are not necessarily boring people! A fine sense of humor combined with intelligent conversational skills can show the true spirit of a thorough man.

What I have compiled here is just a beginning! Girls, if you manage to meet a gentleman, I am sure you would have the time of your life with such a towering personality. These are just a few qualities mentioned out here; the list can be never ending! Therefore, I am sure many women would know by now, they should draw the line!

By Kashmira Lad

Etiquette Of A Gentleman

Some argue that the concept of being a gentleman is archaic. Others argue that the rules of being a gentleman have not and cannot change, and if you’re not standing reflexively when a woman enters the room, then you might as well go live under a bridge. Being a modern gentleman is both of these things, but also neither. I’m sure as hell not standing just because a woman enters the room, or throwing my jacket over a mud puddle. But at the same time, any man who wants to rise above and stand out (in a good way) needs to keep in mind a few things that separate a modern gentleman from, well, everyone else. Consider the following:

Make a Good First Impression
How often do you consciously monitor the way you act around new acquaintances? You may offer a firm handshake, but do you make eye contact? Do you introduce yourself politely and clearly, or do you slap hands and say “Sup, bro? I’m Jake”? If you do this wrong, you could find yourself paddling upstream, attempting to land in the good graces of your new acquaintance.

Be Hygienic
There’s nothing wrong with waking up from a night on the town and throwing on a rumpled T-shirt, last night’s jeans and a ball cap to make a Starbucks run. However, those jeans you’re putting on ought to go over a fresh pair of underpants, and that T-shirt should have a new coat of antiperspirant underneath it, even if you haven’t showered yet. There’s no excuse for leaving the house with your teeth unbrushed, nails untrimmed, and hair unkempt (or at least uncovered). While you may not care what the barista thinks of your appearance, you never know who you might see. Almost nothing can turn around a bad first impression, but a bad second, third, or fourth impression can sure as hell erase a good first one.

Be Honest
We’ve all been there: Maybe you’re seeing someone casually, or have just begun a relationship, and you see a woman who makes you do a double-take. Assuming you don’t have your lady friend in tow, sooner or later events conspire to make it such that the two of you have struck up a conversation at the bar. Assuming you’ve made a good first impression and have some modicum of charm, inevitably the talk turns to relationship status. When the question comes up, what do you do? If you’re any kind of a gentleman, you come clean and be truthful about the fact that you’re seeing someone. That may end the conversation for her, but if she wants to carry on, so be it. Regardless, lying is unfair to your squeeze, unfair to your new acquaintance and generally unbecoming of a gentleman.

Have Context and Self-Awareness
In a social setting, the modern gentleman is immediately aware of the tone and setting in which he finds himself. If you’re at a $5,000/plate fundraising dinner, that shouldn’t be your cue to drink combatively and test your personal limits. On the other hand, no one likes a wet blanket. If everyone else is dancing on tables and singing off-key to Journey, unless you’re abstaining for other reasons, by all means indulge and have a good time. Whatever the case, you don’t want to be remembered as the guy who was out of touch with the rest of the party. That’s a good way to make sure you aren’t invited back.

Make Others Feel Like They’re the Center of Attention
Most gatherings, be they social or professional, include a diverse cast of characters. Wallflowers, attention hogs and social butterflies are all to be expected. Regardless of who you’re talking to, you want them to leave feeling like the conversation they had with you was the most rewarding one they’ve had all day. You should neither marginalize a quiet type by overpowering him, nor should you try to belittle a big talker through feigned apathy. Whoever you’re talking to, engage them. Listen. Ask intelligent questions. Even if you’d rather wipe your ass with poison ivy than discuss the topic at hand, 30 seconds of engagement will earn you far more goodwill than five minutes of eye rolling. Speaking of wiping your ass…

Watch your Mouth
There’s nothing wrong with a little cursing here and there, and there’s nothing ungentlemanly about it, provided the context is right. If you’re with your friends or even slightly more mixed company, a swear word won’t kill anyone. But in the wrong setting, telling an off-color joke, however funny it may be to you, isn’t going to go over so well with the black, Jewish double-amputee you didn’t notice in the corner who happened to be the punchline of your oddly specific joke. In an instant, you’ll go from being the life of the party to a member of the untouchable caste. It’s fine to call Aaron Rodgers a “f*cking jackass” (because he is) when you invite your college buddies over to your house to watch football. It’s not so fine when your boss invites you over to his.

Remove Your Hat Indoors
Yes, this is an old one, but a good one. If you’re going someplace and you’ll be staying a while, take your hat off. It just shows a little respect for the establishment you’re entering. Don’t want to because your hair will get messed up? Too bad — in that case, you shouldn’t have worn a hat. This isn’t the 1950s, and a hat is no longer a de facto part of a man’s wardrobe. If it’s the dead of winter and you’re wearing a beanie or ski cap for warmth, don’t worry about it. Everyone else’s hair will look just as bad.

Wait For Others to Get Their Food Before Eating
If you’re out for a meal with a group, the gentlemanly thing to do is to wait for all parties to get their food before digging in. You don’t want to be the one guy shoveling food in his face while others are still conversing. Plus you’ll finish before everyone else and have to sit in silence while they finish. Speaking of which, take small bites. It’ll help your meal last longer, and you never know when you might want to jump into the conversation. The exception: If there are more than six of you, go ahead and eat. There’s no need to make others feel like they’re forcing you to let your food get cold while the waitstaff brings out eight more plates.

When You’re With A Woman
While some things have fallen out of fashion, other stalwarts of the gentleman’s code are just as applicable today as they ever were. Let’s take a look.

Outdated Etiquette
-Standing when women enter/leave the room: While it’s always a good idea to stand when being introduced, standing just because of a woman’s presence will come off as weird to most women. And, admit it, it kind of is.

-Offering your seat at a dinner table: If your host is expecting a party of a certain number, it’s up to the host or the restaurant to ensure there are enough seats. If an unexpected female guest shows up, well that probably means the host didn’t want her there anyway. Besides, you know what’s not gentlemanly? Awkwardly hovering over a table of seated guests after you gave up your chair to an uninvited diner.

-Helping her with her coat: This, on its own, is a fine idea. It’s a great gesture and it’s really adorable to see, say, a married couple doing this. However, if this is early in the dating game, she may not want you touching her stuff, and in all likelihood she won’t know what you’re trying to do. As important as it is to be gallant and kind, it’s even more important to make sure your date doesn’t feel like an idiot.

-Helping her with her chair: Again, nothing wrong with the gesture itself. It’s just another one of those things that women aren’t accustomed to anymore. Besides, at a decent place the host or waitstaff usually assists with this.

Etiquette She Appreciates
-Holding the door: Don’t worry about coming off as misogynistic or insensitive to her capabilities as a human being. Everyone appreciates a little hand. However, don’t make a show out of running ahead to reach the door before she does (unless she’s carrying something). In that case, simply reach over her and assist her with opening the door. Remember, she can open it herself. It’s the thought that counts.

Reaching for the check: This has been discussed ad nauseum here and elsewhere, and, yes, you should still do it. If she fights you or insists on splitting it, then let her have it. Otherwise, grab it, put your card in, and don’t say any more about it. Of course, if she’s arranged a date with the intention of taking you out on the town, by all means respect her gesture.

-Opening the car door: Provided you’re parked on the same side of the street as the place you’re leaving, this takes zero time or effort and reflects well on you as a gentleman. However, like with holding entry doors, don’t make a show of running around to the other side of the car if you’re parked in the other direction. If a gesture requires obvious effort and expense, it goes from being gallant to buffoonish.

-Entering a cab first: Counterintuitive, but if your lady friend is wearing a skirt or dress, it’s a lot easier for her to not have to scoot all the way over to the driver’s side.

-Walking on the curb-side of the street: Truthfully, if a runaway city bus careens over the curb and heads in your direction, it doesn’t matter much what side of the street you’re on. But, still, the gesture is of you putting yourself between wayward vehicles and splashed puddles. She may not even notice you’re doing it (my wife never does), but it costs you nothing.

-Offering her your arm: If you’re on a first date, this could be a little dicey, so play it by ear. Look at it this way — if you offer her your arm and she takes it, that means she likes you (at least to some degree). Otherwise, it’s a classy, understated alternative to holding hands, and I can’t think of a woman who doesn’t want to be seen walking arm-in-arm with her man.

Being a modern gentleman doesn’t have to be hard, and, in fact, it’s easier than ever. It’s all about self-awareness and consideration for those around you. Those never go out of style.

www.askmen.com